The absolute state of the scenes at supermarkets across Australia right now makes it look like the entire eastern seaboard is about to be smashed by a cyclone. A frankly insane level of toilet paper hoarding is apparently going on across the nation, and the footage of people losing their godforsaken minds over the stuff has to be seen to be believed.

We’ve seen the bare shelves as people, gripped by a largely media-driven panic surrounding the coronavirus epidemic, rushed to hoard shit tickets like society collapsed and shit tickets were the new currency. But now we’re starting to see some footage emerge of the scrums in stores as people clamber to get their hands on as much Quilton as they possibly can.

At the Woolworths in Revesby, crowds reportedly hurled themselves towards the 3-ply at 7am this morning, heaving the stuff into their trolleys like a pack of rabid, greying dogs.

Meanwhile at a Woolies in Ryde, wild time lapse footage shows a throng of punters following a staffer as they wheel a fresh pallet of TP through the store, with the whole thing being stripped bare inside just 90 seconds.

At Coles Hornsby, staffers had to barricade themselves inside an aisle just to get stock onto shelves, temporarily forcing feverish punters hover mere feet away from the shelves.

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The scenes – the absolute scenes – go on and on.

The state of all of this, I tell you what. Unfuckenbelievable.

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