First of all, giant shout out to ‘The Bachelor‘ post-production team who just finished the mammoth effort of digitally neutering the mountain of shots of Richie‘s cool banana sprouting through his pantaloons they clearly had. The dude had to cool it on first base for two months whilst an entire roster of babes swung for the fences. That’s an express pass running one-way downtown to Bonertown.

To whoever was manning that Avid rig: you the real MVP.

So while Richie might have done the dating equivalent of standing in an open door of a fridge for 30 minutes trying to figure out what to eat before giving up and grabbing the last Kraft Single, the cameras are now officially off and he and Alex are free to be object of each other’s desire (and the entire nation’s derision).

In news that should shock none of you, apparently they wasted precisely zero time before Alex went straight for Richie’s white rose.

Speaking to Kyle & Jackie O on KIIS FM this morning, Richie revealed that camera crews hadn’t even finished packing up Bachelor Mansion before the two dropped trou.

“There was a funny story. After the finale we got dropped back to villa and the moment we got back [to our room] we just looked at each other … the camera crew were trying to leave.”

And in case you think the yarn might’ve been a sweet and romantic one, old mate well and truly erased all doubt by revealing the whole filming process had left him toeier than a man with five feet.

“There was so much built up tension, three months of having the biggest blue balls in Australia. To get to the finale was great!”

TMI: Richie Says He Had “The Biggest Blue Balls” Before Finally Sexing Alex

Richie. Mate. We all know you were bloody gagging for her to get technical access to your rope. But there’s certain things that aren’t for public consumption.

Ahh well. TFW love takes over, I guess.

Source: Yahoo 7.

Photo: The Bachelor Australia/Facebook.