I was one of those kids who owned literally every single movie on VHS or DVD and, like the hoarder that I am, I still own every single one of them.
And sometimes I reminisce on the movies in my collection and think ‘fuck that was a banger,’ and sometimes I look back and think ‘fuck that movie was shit – why did I demand my parents buy it for me on DVD?’
One such example is Stuart Little.
Stuart. Fucken’. Little.
Columbia Pictures sold us a movie about a talking mouse who joins a family and we ate it up with a bloody spoon.
Let’s revisit the plot, just in case you’ve forgotten how dumb it was: Two parents (played by Hugh Laurie and Geena Davis) go to an orphanage to adopt a kid to give their son a brother and they stumble upon a talking mouse (???).
Not only are they not totally freaked the fuck out and wondering what ass-backward science experiment created said mouse, but they decide to bin their initial plan of adopting a CHILD and instead they adopt the MOUSE.
And so the movie (and it’s highly unnecessary sequel) tell the story of Stuart assimilating into life as an ordinary New York child, ya know, going to school (yes, the talking mouse goes to PEOPLE school), hanging out at Central Park, etc.
Why kid Matt thought this was a story worthy of two movie trips and two Christmas presents, I will never know, but bless our happy hearts for rolling with this dumb story once upon a time.
Ah, kids. Poor sweet stupid kids.
