Hooo boy, last night’s Bachie was a doozy guys. Not only was there that whole second date debacle, three of the hopeful ladies got booted from the mansion.

While we’re sad (except not rly – still don’t know who half these women are tbh) to see Alix and Steph leave, the real drama from last night was Sharlene‘s decision to abort her mansion experience – after Matty J literally told her he wasn’t feeling it off the back of spending, oh, PRETTY MUCH NEVER SPEAKING to the woman?

Matty J Spent A Grand Total Of 27 Mins With One ‘Bachie’ Hopeful He Booted

To recap, the cocktail party centred on Sharlene telling anyone who’d listen about how Matty J has spent zero time with her thus far. Well to be specific, 27 minutes. Meanwhile, all of us watching at home are like “who tf is Sharlene?”.

She has a fair point though – we’ve seen Matty give Elora two solo dates already, while the majority of the women have barely spoken to the man. Plus there was that whole pissweak “win” of Laura‘s yesterday during the grossly sexist “maternal instincts” comp – sorry, how does someone win “best fake mum” when all the kids literally ran away from them?

Anyway. Sharlene does that thing all of us have done at some point in a weird dating experience – overthink the plan of attack and come up with a “funny” or “cute” opening line, only for it to come out super intense and high-level creepy.

“Hi how are you? I’m actually one of the bachelorettes — I’m not the external caterer,” she says to Matty as we all collectively screamed into our couch pillows. “But I would love to speak to you when you’re free.”

Once, I decided buying a guy I worked with (who had rejected me already, by the way) a cupcake as a “farewell” gift when he quit was a great idea. So Sharlene, I feel you beb.

She airs her very valid grievances – that Matty has spent all of 27 minutes with her and continues to CBF with getting to know her beyond that at all.

“I know you’re aware, it’s not an easy process and I think we’ve spent, like, 27 minutes together. There’s still 13 women here, so I feel behind because I haven’t had the time with you.”

Matty then drops a truth bomb.

“I think what we have is lovely. But is that going to proceed and evolve into being a romantic connection? In my eyes? Unfortunately, I don’t think it is,” he tells her.

Look props for being upfront Matty but legit, this entire show is meant to be about you finding the ~love of your life~ and so far we’ve seen you hang with about 4 of the 20 ladies in there.

Sharlene is well shook:

Matty J Spent A Grand Total Of 27 Mins With One ‘Bachie’ Hopeful He Booted

Her excellent response? A flat “Thanks.” 

She then marches back to the other women to inform them she’s decided to leave, and hightails outta there. Unfortunately – because I feel like besides that very terrible opening line she over-workshopped, Sharlene did a bang-up job of being damn honest – she finishes with a terrible take on the situation.

“There are so many things that don’t match up with Matty’s life and mine. I mean he doesn’t like pugs, and I’ve got a gorgeous little pug. He doesn’t really train in martial arts and that’s such a big thing for me – he doesn’t like musical theatre and I’m in a musical theatre production every season, it’s a big part of my life.”

Hmmmmm Sharlene finding someone who likes pugs, trains in the martial arts AND froths on musical theatre is a pretty big call.

But also if you’re out there, pug-loving-martial-arts-musical-theatre-guy, HMU.

Image: Channel 10