Matt Okine Couldn’t Get His Sexy Merkin Shoot Up On OnlyFans So We’ve Got The *Exclusive* Pics

When you think of Matt Okine and Alex Dyson some things that might come to mind are: Triple J, podcast hosts, breakfast, funny etc. BUT what about sexy? Yeah that’s right the pair are HOT property and we have the pics to prove it.

Despite his clear hotness, on the boys’ podcast Matt & Alex – All Day Breakfast, Matt recently discussed how he has two problems. One is that he is majorly balding, and two is that his dad found a lump of his hair in the downstairs cupboard. Yes, go ahead and read that again. HIS DAD FOUND A LUMP OF HIS HAIR IN THE CUPBOARD.

Matt estimated that this hair had been chilling in their family home for  around 16 years, as that was the last time his dad gave his head a good shearing. Look, I’ve heard of parents keeping a lock of their babies hair and putting it in a cute little bow. BUT I’ve never heard of a parent keeping a whole-ass head of hair in a freezer bag.

However, the discovery was a blessing in disguise because as I mentioned earlier, Matt had two problems. So the cursed freezer bag is now the blessed freezer bag –  because Matt revealed on the poddy that the hair would be used to create a toupée.

Alex and Matt in happier time, when Matt had slightly more hair (Image: Getty Images/ Don Arnold)

So where do the nudes come in? Yes calm down you hornbags. Well, it turns out the hairy host got in contact with wig queen Tracey Kostadinoska from Ascot Wig Makers in Sydney, who also specialises in merkins.

If you’re wondering what a merkin is, it’s not another word for pickle, that’s a gherkin. A merkin is a pubic wig for your willy, or puss.  It’s definitely not a term Millenials and Gen Z would be familiar with, because most of us like to keep it bare. But back when syphilis was a full-thing (the 1700s), having a massive bush meant that you were healthy (aka you didn’t have the ol’ syph). Some actors also use pubic wigs to cover their real bits, out of modesty.

Tracey agreed to make Matt a combo of a toupée and a merkin, a terkin if you will. She also whipped up a handle bar moustache and some chest hair with the remaining goods.

This led to a very NSFW photoshoot featuring Matt Okine, a terkin and the other hairy masterpieces. If you listen to All Day Breakfast, you’ll know that Matt wanted to start an OnlyFans account to showcase these stunning shots, but the boys didn’t realise OnlyFans has quite a long vetting process for new accounts (which is a great thing in and of itself). So that’s where PEDESTRIAN.TV comes in. We are honoured to exclusively reveal these pics for your blessed eyes.

Just make sure you’re in a safe/ comfortable environment because these pics are very saucy, if you know what I mean.

My eyes!

Here’s Matt modelling the wig as a toupée, covering up that ever-increasing bald path at the front of his head.

In these pics, Matt uses the wig quite effectively as a merkin, with some impressive 70s-esque pubes on display.

Just Jeans please sponsor Matt Okine ASAP.

You’re welcome, perverts.