Last set of vows guys! We’re all just biding our time, watching this in the background while we play House Party until the MAFS reunion special is here, aren’t we?
To be fair, I was kind of intrigued to see what Mishel and Steve would do, and as boring as it’s been watching them just be HAPPY, seeing Lizzie get her lovely ending is a nice vibe during lockdown hell.
First we visit Lizzie and Seb on their final day in serviced apartment purgatory. My LORD what have they been doing in that bed:
Lizzie says she already has separation anxiety about leaving Seb to have their scheduled few days apart before final vows. They share a final kiss as she gets in the lift. I mean, if these two don’t declare their love for each other at that ceremony I’ll eat my shorts, and I’ve been wearing these shorts for four days straight.
Over to Steve, who is having a sook over leaving Mishel, who he is not attracted to, and does not want a relationship with I am fairly sure, but loves on some higher plane we all can’t get onto apparently.
Mishel says things are super confusing right now (lol when have they NOT been Mishel) and she also has a sook when they part ways. She tells us they’re leaving as “unique friends”, whatever the fuck that means.
Everyone goes to their respective homes to do some soulful thinking. Lizzie does hers while storming the beach with her henchman, Mr Pupper:
Seb strokes a footy:
Seb’s worried Lizzie might go home and freak herself out about their relationship, and Lizzie is worried Seb’s strong feelings are brought on by the experiment and not by her as a person.
Meanwhile Steve is still mooching around like the ultimate sadsack, missing Mishel. But Mishel is over with her sister getting the hard truth about her relationship:
Her sister and daughter Eva are like, you don’t seem yourself, you’re not vibrant Mishel, and it makes Mishel realise for the 5,000th time that she’s put Steve first and herself second. But! She still must go and talk to ANOTHER friend about it all:
This friend just brings her to the same bloody revelation – she’s lost herself in this relationship, and she needs to put herself first.
Lizzie meanwhile chats to her parents about Seb. They still think he doesn’t know himself the way Lizzie does, he doesn’t have as strong a sense of self. She seems like she’s thinking it over but I also call bullshit – her and Seb are rock solid.
Then it’s time for Mishel and Steve’s final vows. She shows up looking fierce as hell, very First Wives Club final scene vibes:
They’re having their final vows in some sort of Tuscan villa situation. Steve goes first, and it’s all the same shit – he loves Mishel, he thinks their feelings for each other will keep developing, their ~beautiful friendship~.
I assumed Mishel would do some sort of similar thing and these two would give each other the most tepid of hugs before walking away as BFFL’s for life, but DAMN did Mishel save the best for last.
She starts by saying the usual shit – they turned into an old married couple, developed an emotional connection etc. But then she just destroys Steve in a series of scathing, extremely true statements.
She says he led her on. That he implied his feelings were stronger than they are. That she’s never felt less attractive and less self esteem than she did during their relationship. It is STRAIGHT FIRE.
Steve just stands there shaking his head, clearly wishing he could interrupt every five goddamn seconds like he usually does. In the end, Mishel says he wasted her time and it’s like MIC DROP.
There’s silence as Steve just stands there shaking his head for 40 years. Eventually, Mishel’s like do you have anything to say, and Steve’s all “no, but also here are ten reasons why you’re wrong”. Before he really gets going though, Mishel just fucking checks out!
She throws her ring in the dirt and it is over. Outstanding stuff. Even if Steve meant well, and wasn’t actually leading her on intentionally – he still led her on with all his indecision! So I love this for Mishel. What a great ending.
Then it’s on to Seb and Lizzie. Normally I’d say snooze but like everyone, I actually do WANT Lizzie to find love, it was just fucking boring watching this show try to create fake drama out of her totally normal, perfect relationship.
So it was nice seeing Seb say to Lizzie how after eight years of not being in a relationship, he finally feels like he’s found someone to let his walls down with. There’s a lot of talk about walls being let down and crushed and so on, but the entire time Lizzie looks like she wants to do a nervous vom into her handbag.
When we then cop Lizzie’s speech, things are NOT looking good. But first I need to tell you that it was blowing a fucking gale on whatever day they filmed these vows, and Lizzie’s hair is like Gwen Stefani circa 2005:
Anyway, Lizzie starts by saying all this neg stuff about Seb – she’s worried he’s too much of a daydreamer and this is all a honeymoon period that he’ll throw away when it stops being all sunshiney. I’m paraphrasing but you get the gist – she says she’s generally concerned he just loves LOVE, not loves Lizzie. Fair point, well made.
But also shut up I need you to find love, bitch.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief when we returned after the ad break and Lizzie said despite all her concerns, she feels safe and at home with Seb and feels he’s worth losing her walls (I told you there was a lot of wall talk) for.
They kiss, it’s fucking cute, I’m not crying you’re crying.
Then the unthinkable happens. For no necessary reason WHATSOEVER, Seb picks Lizzie up and carries her down a wooden pathway in a nod to the time SAM STRUGGLED TO CARRY HER FOR THE PHOTOSHOOT LAST SEASON.
Why are we rehashing this? It’s horrendous??? Can we please leave the Sam Ball fiasco in the past and especially the bit where he body shamed a woman my goddddd. I know they were trying to do some sort of “see she ended up with a guy who didn’t mind carrying her” but it just screamed awkward as fuck to me.
Oh well. Tomorrow night is the reunion dinner and that is all I care about. Literally, right now – I have MAFS and I have my dog and that’s it.
Melissa Mason is the Managing Editor (Sydney) at Pedestrian. She’s also the co-host of the All Aussie Mystery Hour podcast, and posts shit content on Instagram.
