Well that was an underwhelming dinner party, wasn’t it? Supremely… beige. Yet here we are, still dedicated to MAFS. Still needing some closure on all these couples.
Before we get to the dinner party, we check in with the honeymooning couples. I forgot about them. The producers could have just left them there, to be honest. I like Lizzie but her and Seb are so fucking boring, sorry!! I said it!!
Anyway, Lizzie and Seb are getting along extremely well. As expected. Seb has scratch marks on his waist, which he says are from Lizzie.
They sit down to a massive brekkie, everything is hunky dory, I’m super bored, they kiss. Also, Seb has a stupid hat.
KC and Drew are also on better terms, after KC decided to let the whole live-in-girlfriend-he-says-is-a-housemate thing slide. I’ll eat one sock if Drew doesn’t turn out to have a secret life partner on the outside, friends.
Next, we revisit our old couples. Cathy and Josh are fine again, but Cathy feels they’re moving toward just friends. Ivan and Aleks are “going from strength to strength”, and Aleks loves that Ivan likes to be private about their sex life too. You know who isn’t going well? Connie and Jonnie. He’s still unsure if he wants to stay in the experiment, and feels like he’s changed himself too much for Connie. She’s just like, can’t he get over it.
Lol mate, you literally made a Misery Wall highlighting all his problems. I would also not just be “getting over it”.
But the worst couple award this week goes to… well, it always goes to Michael and Stacey, but in terms of couple most likely to burn each other’s clothing in a bonfire, it’s Mishel and Steve. Mishel is now livid that Steve didn’t tell her sooner he had no sexual attraction to her, he feels he’s in the right because he’s been seeing where things go.
No one is winning, but Mishel is definitely doing that “trying to look as shit-hot as possible” thing you do when someone doesn’t like you, and she’s bloody succeeding.
They have a huge fight and Mishel says she’s done with Steve. Methinks these two won’t be making it past Sunday’s commitment ceremony.
KC can’t wait to discuss Plushie Rick with the girls, Lizzie won’t stop banging on about how much she knows about MAFS life and how good the dinner parties are, blah blah. WE GET IT, YOU DID THE SHOW LAST YEAR.
Time for the event. Mishel and Steve rock up first, and sit 4,000 metres apart while Mishel double-fists her bevs.
The experts are like nooooo and I can’t watch this car crash, etc.
Everyone else arrives. Mishel tells the other ladies about her scenario with Steve, then asks Connie how she’s going. Connie’s all “we’ve had a small setback, but WE WILL BE RIGHT.” Meanwhile, Jonnie tells Steve if he and Connie wrote leave on Sunday, he’d feel relieved. Steve says that basically answers the question of whether he wants in anymore or not.
Connie is still very determined in this “she’ll be right” business.
KC and Drew arrive first of the new couples, and immediately Michael and Stacey are off them.
KC and Drew peel off to chat to other people, and eventually KC makes it to Stacey – who is theeeee biggest bitch to her. Even without the editing we know goes on, you can tell she’s legit being a bitch. KC tells the producers she was not into tit.
Then Lizzie and Seb walk in. Aleks and Stacey recognise her. She does the rounds and says she can read people. “Michael? Bad vibes.”
KC brings up Plushie Rick with Cathy, but Cathy’s like “I wouldn’t read too much into that”. KC is absolutely still reading too much into that.
We head into the dinner party. Lizzie says she smells a rat in the room – everyone is segregated and pretending all is fine. Aleks is getting annoyed at her and keeps being like “we’re all FOINE everyone LOVES EACH OTHER”. But Lizzie isn’t dumb, and eventually pesters Ivan and Josh enough to get them spilling tea.
It seems a confrontation demon has possessed Josh, because he uncharacteristically marches down to the other side of the table to take on Michael. He launches into the weakest version of a take-down I’ve ever seen, basically asking Stacey how she can trust Michael, before eventually getting into a tepid heated argument with the guy. Josh says he thinks Michael will cheat again.
People are clearly getting drunk. Michael jokingly starts to ask Aleks if she/Ivan have boned, then Jonnie is fucking around with Ivan trying to kiss him or something. I get a bit turned on since they’re my die-hard fave boys. In the background, because I have bionic ears, you can hear someone (Aleks??) say “he’s doing everything but, that’s all I’m gonna say.” Omg.
Can we just discuss the above? I love these two drunk messy bitches. I would die for these two if they were actually a couple. There’s more chemistry in their platonic relationship than we’ve seen from any couple this series, tbh.
Things move on to Mishel and Steve’s dramas. She asks Lizzie, Stacey and Michael (lol do not ask The Smunts for advice on anything) for their opinion on her Steve issue, and they think she needs to talk to him properly.
In the end, it becomes like a weird round table where they all input on Steve and Mishel’s relationship. People seem to be siding with Steve (or at least seeing his perspective a bit more than Mishel’s) which Mishel is HATING. In the end, Steve storms off and doesn’t come back. Josh chases after him, clearly at the directive of the producers, and Steve is like stop trying to be my mate, mate.
We go back to Mishel, who has now fixated on the “Steve lied to me” angle. Everyone’s a bit like…. hmmmmmmm… did he though? Because he absolutely didn’t – we’re all aware that if Steve said he wasn’t feeling the attraction in week one, Mishel would have had a fit. Case in point – Tash and Amanda!
But I also understand Mishel here. It is fucking hard to hear from someone you like – hell, from ANYONE – that they don’t think you’re attractive. It’s so easy to take it personally. And I think Mishel has done just that – Connie, the new Dr Phil apparently, says she thinks Mishel is scared and finding a reason to freak out. But I think Mishel is just hurt and it’s a humiliating feeling to be vulnerable and say it just sucks to be told someone isn’t attracted to you.
POOR MISHEL. YOU’RE A TOTAL BABE. AND STEVE NOT VIBING YOU DOESN’T TAKE THAT AWAY!
Anyway. Commitment ceremony will be wild, I think. It had better be, I fell asleep in that episode.
Melissa Mason is the Managing Editor (Sydney) at Pedestrian. She’s also the co-host of the All Aussie Mystery Hour podcast, and posts shit content on Instagram.
