We’ve only got a few episodes of MAFS left you guys, but before we get to the good shit (dramatic final dinner party, likely chaotic final vows) we have to get through the last set of final dates. Which are all the strongest couples (bar Mishel and Steve) so yep, they’re not exactly spice filled.
We begin the ep with Stacey and Michael talking about some shit in bed, but I wasn’t focusing because OH MY GOD it should be a criminal offence to sleep in your doona without putting a cover on it.
Michael tells us he’s worried Stacey is in this for the cashola, which he HAS but he doesn’t have like, let’s First Class it to Dubai kinda cashola. So his date is gonna be a ~curve ball~. He leaves the key to a Lamborgini on the table, but says he’s going to meet Stacey AT the Lambo but that she’s in for a surprise.
TBH this whole “is Stacey here for Michael or money” thing feels so fake? Like she jokes about liking fancy shit but as much as I can’t stand The Smunts, I do think Stacey isn’t so one-dimensional that she just wants his money. And I feel like Michael doesn’t actually think that, either. Oh well, let’s play along!
Over with Lizzie and Seb, would ya check out this ADONIS:
Seb walking around in his reg grundies is a vibe I can get behind, MAFS. More pls. He tells us he’s planned their final date to show Lizzie he listens to her. He tells her he’s taking them to this sleep with the lions (!!!) in Canberra. Lizzie’s face says it all, really:
Back with Michael and Stacey, we get to see the real car that Stacey’s gonna hoon around in for this date:
Mishel and Steve are also prepping for their final date. Nothing much else to report there! Back to Michael, who has zjooshed himself up to look extra bougie (read: like a fucking wanker) to throw Stacey off the scent.
When Stacey sees the shitbox, she’s actually just super amused by it. It’s pretty clear she gets it’s a joke, and say what you want about the woman but she knows how to take the piss out of herself.
They drive around for a bit. Meanwhile, looks like Steve got gifted the Lambo. He’s taking Mishel out for a whirl in her fast leopard top.
The head to a very small, very sad looking fair to throw balls at things – while Mishel tells us in a voiceover how she hopes things can be a bit romantic.
Lizzie and Seb stare at the tigers who absolutely are hoping they can break the glass later and devour them whole.
Lizzie tells us she’s falling for Seb (no shit mate) and look, it’s kind of cute? You know what else is kind of cute? Stacey enjoying the stupidness of her shit date.
And Michael’s level of LOL in making it shit. I CANNOT LIKE THIS COUPLE, MAFS. DON’T MAKE ME.
Too late, it’s already happening. I kind of love Michael and Stacey right now! I still think they’re bullies, or have been the last season at least – but Stacey is just loling at all the gross shit, and Michael’s really hamming it up.
She even jokes about her face not moving. HOW DO I LOVE THIS WOMAN NOW.
Fun fact – Mishel and Steve were actually at Luna Park, not some sad tiny carnival. I mean, Luna Park is a bit of a sad tiny carnival, but that’s besides the point.
They go for a ride on the ferris wheel, while Steve tries his hardest not to do an explosive shit from anxiety. He does NOT like heights, but as Mishel points out – holding onto the fucking DOOR OF THE CARRIAGE isn’t the best protective measure.
Michael and Stacey have finished the roadkill part of their date and gone to some house. I don’t know whose house, because I wasn’t paying attention on account of my dog pissing on the floor. But it’s a nice house, and Michael tells Stacey that he loves everything about her – she’s beautiful but she also has a sparkling personality.
Then Stacey gives him a gift – a personalised diary so they can pencil in time to see each other when he moves to Melbourne. She’s popped their 6 month and one year anniversary in there, which is now hilarious since we all know they’ve since split. But if I DIDN’T know that, I’d think these guys were the real deal, you know? Now I feel a bit sad that they’ve split up.
Lizzie and Seb are having a hugely sexual bath as they watch a tiger that’s maybe dead.
Seb tells Lizzie he sees her in his future, and he has no plans to stay in Adelaide forever. She likes this, it’s all gravy for them. Except for Lizzie’s neck which has definitely sustained some permanent muscular damage after this:
Over to Mishel and Steve, who go have a wine while Steve spends 400 years saying the same thing over and over again. The great news? Mishel has finally seen his fuckboy ways:
She tells him it’s all a bit too little, too late – emphasis on the too little because she feels like even the progress Steve HAS made, like sharing a bed (ONCE) wasn’t much at all, since there was no cuddling.
It goes round and round in circles, and when they get home they’re having a cuddle in bed. Is this… IS THIS PROGRESS? Nope, it’s not. Steve literally gives Mishel like a G-rated hug and then goes off to HIS OWN BED. She’s just done now.
Tomorrow night we get a dinner party! And there’s big reveals being forced on everyone! Here’s hoping Mishel spectacularly dumps Steve and then does the First Wives Club dance with Connie.
Melissa Mason is the Managing Editor (Sydney) at Pedestrian. She’s also the co-host of the All Aussie Mystery Hour podcast, and posts shit content on Instagram.
