You saw the wine glass smash, I saw the wine glass smash, and I’m pretty sure petty aliens from Mars could also see it through their drama-sensitive telescopes. But now, it’s time to deal with the after-effects of such a cataclysmic event, as the couples spend their last night at the retreat in some paradicey situations.
The girls respond to the Great Glass Shattering of 2022 and nobody is very impressed, especially Olivia.
Ella however sees both sides of the story. She’s well-read like that. A bilingual queen.
This is when we start to understand that Olivia is not buying it. That’s basically the theme of the entire episode and it kicks off real early.
Olivia says she “doesn’t want to be associated with white trash” and I get the feeling that she doesn’t like Domenica very much.
I dunno, I just feel like there’s a bit of tension between them. Not sure why. Someone needs to break the g̶l̶a̶s̶s̶ ice.
Jacky boy finds his Bogan wifey crying in the darkness and consoles her with some pretty mature words.
I feel like I’m coming around to him now. He said all the right things with the right amount of patience and it was just what Domenica needed.
Dare I say… an empathetic king???
Meanwhile, Liv has a chat with her own Jacky boy. It’s the Jack and Jackson show tonight, as both fellas battle it out to see who can support their wife the hardest.
They both do a real good fkn job, and it’s a mission that I do not envy. Some empathy hills are just too hard to climb, y’know. Smashing glasses? That’s a Kilimanjaro right there.
After realising that smashing a glass at galz night was maybe not the best course of action, Princess Bogan consults the spoons for a bit of frosty healing.
Nothing gets those bags out like cold silverware, I tell ya what.
Oh, and Jack’s also back with a couple more supportive words. He’s a supportive word machine tonight. The Gayle King to Domenica’s bogan Oprah.
Jackson and Olivia then sit down for another chat about where this drama is going to lead and how many sorries it will take until Olivia gives in. (Spoilers, it’s approximately 80,923).
Liv then tells her Jacky boy that she needs “justice”. Alright Judy, put the gavel down.
To lighten up the intensity of the drama, the lovely producers at the MAFS headquarters in the Bermuda Triangle decide to cut the tension with a giant Matt-shaped knife.
Chuck him in a hot tub. Hell, add Kate too. Why the fuck not?
Matt tells Kate that he appreciated hearing through the magical MAFS grapevine that she said some nice things about him. Nawww.
They then give each other the most awkward hug this side of the Red Rooster line, and that’s the last we hear from Matt and Kate this ep.
So nice to check in on their relationship. Now maybe give Selina some air time? No? Okay, sorry for asking.
Ahhh, I guess that reprieve was short-lived. Back to Domenica crying and Olivia asking for Excalibur to be brought to her chambers so she may have a weapon to seeketh justice with!
Ella being the good friend she is comes to console Domenica, who is genuinely upset at her own actions. Maturity in MAFS, a rare sight indeed.
Meanwhile, queen of infidelity Carolina is getting all hot and bothered on a phone call with Daniel, who is literally just telling her that he’s on a run. Homegirl is down bad.
She then decides to go ask her Italiano boo D(i)on if he wants to go for a run. Have you ever seen an Italian man run in your fkn life? Exactly. Now let him continue cooking his pizza and dreaming of love.
Liv and Jackson are contemplating the best method of attack for when Domenica eventually shows up at the drinks party.
Jackson wishes that his wifey would stop being so petty and full of grudges, and it’s at this point that I think she turns over a new leaf.
“If it was up to me I’d burn her at the stake,” says Olivia.
It’s drinks party time!
Tensions are high as the couples celebrate their last night at their little retreat, which has brought some couples together and has ripped others right apart. That’s what we like to see.
Everyone is feeling a little on edge as Princess Bogan hasn’t shown up just yet.
Tamara and Brent, who are still a bit frosty with each other, decide to air out their grievances and get nowhere fast.
Tim Tams says she’s still feeling claustrophobic in their relationship, while Brent accuses her of spending more time with others than him. Tense stuff.
Everyone is fighting with other contestants or their partners, while adorable Al over here is reading a fkn poem.
It’s probably one of the worst poems I’ve heard in my life, but points for trying… I guess?
Samantha does not look like she’s in the mood at all to hear a poem from Al. In fact what she’s probably after is a mature convo of some sort, but instead, she has to listen to Dr Seuss.
Italiano D(i)on decides to have a chat with his missus Carolina, after being insulted by her asking him to go for a run. Eat cannoli? Sure. Play bocce? Anytime. Move your legs at a fast pace? Not unless Donatello’s Pizzeria is closing in 5 minutes and you’ve got no car.
Carolina asks D(i)on to compromise his ways, but he feels like she hasn’t tried at all. I mean, she did write “leave” and is actively fantasising about another man’s Adidas shoes. You could say she’s just not that into you.
In summary, the chat did not go very well for either of them.
Liv is living for the brief moments that are Domenica-less, but eventually, she makes an appearance at the MAFS dinner party and it’s the face crack of the century.
I mean, just look at the reactions from her two favourite people in the world:
Liv goes for a hug and Domenica tells her she’s not ready for that.
To be fair if somebody came up to me and said “hey girlfriend” after I smashed a glass in their face I’d think they were insane too.
The night is off to a great start!
Liv has a moment with Carolina about how her going to say hello and hug her was the biggest moment of “swallowing her pride” ever, and feels strange about Domenica not immediately accepting her kindness.
Princess Bogan is in a rough place still after acting out of shock and anger, and Liv is clearly not doing very well after the moment either.
During the MAFS dinner party, Dom takes a moment to apologise to the galz, regretful of the fact that she sent glass shards flying the last time they all ate together.
Liv however still isn’t buying the heartfelt apology and keeps making snide comments to her Jacky boy.
Dom is being HELLA mature with the whole thing, and Liv keeps commenting and interrupting her, saying that it isn’t good enough.
She tells Dom that her smashing the glass was “assault”, and that her apology had to take that into consideration.
It’s a fkn mess.
Jackson decides to put the issue to bed, but Liv isn’t tucking anyone in just yet.
He makes it clear that he’s pretty disappointed that she didn’t even try to be the bigger person, and was making harsh comments throughout Dom’s apology.
It’s a mature move from Jacky boy, but it also sends Liv into a spiral. Can’t win ’em all.
Since Jackson is no longer on her side, she has to seek her coven of blondes to console her.
The MAFS ep ends with Liv in shambles and Domenica getting comforted by Jack, which is kinda the opposite of how this ep started.
Signing off with this absolutely renaissance-style pic of the blonde coven and Jackson, in which Kate’s face structure and hair look absolutely PERFECT. Like a chiselled goddess.
If you need me, I’m going to be seeking justice in a hot tub with some pizza. Something to really capture the mood of this wild ep.