Alright I’m back on the MAFS recap circuit. Not even COVID can stop me from watching a dinner party unfold.

Olivia is still sad that Jackson can’t comprehend her inner demon.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
but i was an angel for 4 whole episodes!!!

She feels shit that she let him down by being her true self and Jackson confirms he is not attracted to people who come from hell.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
pls remove your white hands from my white hands, Liv

Everyone’s back to the Sky Suites and Diva wastes no time rendezvousing with Danny Boi after he gave her ass the attention it’s been craving. She confirms to the camera that she is obsessed with him.

She also confirms to Danny Boi’s face that he is tanned and she’s enjoying the massage he is giving her leg.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
we also connect on watch choice

They pash because there’s nothing else for them to talk about aside from the gym. They tongue-punch again in the stairwell so that the date can last longer than three minutes.

Baby Seal is continuing to be private while publicly dry-humping the ground on @badgalella’s GoPro.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
“i am a really private person, K???”

Matt got fuck-eyed last night after watching a boxing match so Kate kicked him out. She believes they’re “too old for behaviour like that”. He tells her he wants to “vomit and hide in a hole”.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
i too want to vomit and hide in a hole when i’m hung-daddy

Olivia thinks she wasn’t the perpetrator during the couple’s retreat because she wasn’t the one holding a broken glass over someone’s head. Look, all I saw was a glass smashed on a table and a lonely stem next to a destroyed cheeseboard. But OK.

Olivia thinks she’s done her bit because she offered Princess Bogan an “olive branch” by saying “hey girlfriend” in the most patronising, insincere way I have ever seen someone hey a girlfriend.

She says she wants to let the chihuahua yap until it falls asleep. Princess Bogan is the chihuahua and Olivia is the dog poo that Jackson has to consistently clean up.

It’s dinner party time.

Brent and Ballarat Paris have arrived separately, which is surprising, but are cordial to one another.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
to make the cordial, that i like best

Kate and Matt have arrived together, which is also surprising for different reasons. He’s getting the “how you feeling buddy” treatment that we all cop after a cooked night, so it is now clear that he was, in fact, very cooked.

Mr Moneybags and Diva have also arrived separately, which is unsurprising.

Princess Bogan is applying Chanel lipstick in her #sponno car ride to the dinner party because she feels like this will help her nerves. Meanwhile, Olivia is telling everyone Princess Bogan is “unhinged and dangerous”.

Olivia walks away from Princess Bogan so that she can’t try and say hello to her. Princess Bogan has decided to forgo wine tonight while Olivia has been mixing wine and cider before the food has even come out. This should be interesting.

Jackson is worried that Olivia doesn’t know how to hold a conversation which doesn’t include the words “trash” and “glass”.

Matt is doing a speech.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
o hell i do not feel like acting human 2nite

“My behaviour was nothing short of disastrous and a complete dick,” he tells the group, but mainly Kate.

Nice.

What’s not nice is Olivia butting in to say, “That’s a good apology.”

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
subtext is my fave hehe
mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
wot a fkn lemon

Everyone’s telling Matt how good he is at being accountable. He tells Kate he is sorry again.

Kate is more interested in the baby corn she’s eating being “quite fun”.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
me and the kernels like 2 partaaaaay

Mr Moneybags is telling Princess Bogan that he is drained because she asked him how he was feeling so he responded. Diva is pissed off and thinks they are talking behind her back. It’s cute that she knows any conversation around someone being drained must be related to her.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
Draino has helped many household issues, K

Diva’s also upset that he’s speaking about his feelings to the “one person” she has an issue with. Mr Moneybags moves away.

Princess Bogan asks Diva if the issue is with her, or if it’s with Mr Moneybags. Diva and Mr Moneybags are now arguing from opposite ends of the table.

Jackson asks them to stop fighting, presumably because he is worrying that Olivia will unleash. Jackson says that Diva and Mr Moneybags are both “beautiful individuals” and that everyone can leave it at that.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
pictured: beautiful individual

Princess Bogan politely tells Jackson that she’s not asking about their relationship. She’s asking Diva is she has an issue with her.

Princess Bogan says that she wanted to make it clear at Diva’s second commitment ceremony that she didn’t agree with her putting down Mr Moneybags.

OLIVIA HAS STEPPED IN.

“You attacking her made that clear.”

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
i’m on the waters now bc i want Jackson to continue loving me

“Keep picking and picking and picking,” Olivia says to precisely no one.

Princess Bogan says she needs a minute to find her words.

Olivia says she’s “just so, like, over it” even though she consistently tells Princess Bogan to choose her words carefully.

“Honestly, I’m so bored. Why does this matter, why are we all involved in this conversation?” Olivia asks with extreme involvement in this conversation.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
u r the one who hijacked the convo “girlfriend”

“Like it all comes back… to you!” Olivia tells Princess Bogan. “So… don’t sit here and be like, ‘WHO SAID WHAT AND dah deh dah, just –”

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
oooo burn

Nice Guy tells Olivia to “not do voices”.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
you’re not the voice try and understand it

Princess Bogan has resumed her conversation with Diva to say that she was just trying to talk out their situation. “Just not with commentary from a third party that has no right to add to the conversation,” Princess Bogan adds.

TEE. HEE.

“We’re all here for opinions, Dom! We’re all here for opinions, Dom!” Olivia retaliates.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
a comment so nice i had to say it twice

“Yeah, of course, but when I’m trying to have a conversation…” Princess Bogan responds.

Diva yells out “hyprocrite” before @badgalella tells everyone to stop yelling at Princess Bogan.

“Oh, poor Dom! We can’t yell at her, but she she can yell at everybody else.” Olivia says.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
we have been thru this “girlfriend”

“We can’t yell at her but she can smash a glass in our faces? OK,” Diva says.

Olivia tells the camera, “Domenica thinks if she plays the childhood trauma card and the trigger card hard enough everyone will give her a pass.”

Not loving this from Olivia who’s experienced trauma herself. But at this point I’m not sure anyone should be surprised.

Princess Bogan tells Olivia she was never going to accept an apology.

“I wasn’t but I’d have appreciated a good one,” Olivia responds. Olivia says Princess Bogan’s apology was riddled with excuses and that Matt’s speech tonight was an example of a good apology.

Matt tells Princess Bogan that he thought her apology was a good one. People jump in to agree and it is simply stunning.

SUCKA BIG FAT ONE, OLIVIA.

Princess Bogan asks Olivia what she thinks she blamed her glass-smashing on. What Olivia believes Princess Bogan’s excuses were.

“Me!” says Olivia. “You said ‘But the way Olivia spoke to me.’ You were trying to paint yourself off as the victim, and me as the perpetrator.”

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
many people have been victimised by Regina George but u r not one of them

Princess Bogan tells Olivia that she never said such a thing.

Nice Guy brings up that Olivia was a fucking nuisance when Dom tried to apologise on the retreat, saying she needed a Xanax for the conversation, as well as asking for someone to pass cyanide.

Jackson says that Da Galz didn’t get talk this out at the time because Princess Bogan “walked off”.

Nice Guy is not having a bar of it. “There is a very big difference between leaving a situation where you feel slightly uncomfortable and leaving, or when people are saying aggressive, attacking comments at you,” Nice Guy explains, nicely.

“Sorry, can I just interject?” Olivia asks/demands.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MOOOORE

“I didn’t get up and leave the table when she’s standing, leaning over me with a glass between her fingers,” Olivia tells Nice Guy.

@badgalella confirms Princess Bogan was not holding a glass at Olivia.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
just like there is no air in my face right now

Princess Bogan has had enough.

“REWATCH THE FOOTAGE! HONESTLY, REWATCH THE FOOTAGE! I’M SICK OF YOU. I’M SICK OF YOU SAYING THAT’S HOW I’VE ACTED!”

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
be kind, rewind

Princess Bogan says she is sorry but she’s getting quite upset.

Diva thinks it’s funny to tell everyone to hold their glasses so that Princess Bogan can’t smash another one. Olivia smiles because she is an asshole.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
petulant

“Please, enough with the snide comments!” says Nice Guy. Fuck I love Nice Guy.

“Why are you not drinking Dom?” asks Diva and it’s set everyone the fuck off.

Mr Moneybags jumps in from the other side of the table and tells them that this is not “how a group of adults should be acting”.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
da fuq is wrong with u lot

He tells them to take a good look at themselves.

I CONCUR.

Nice Guy has one more thing to say. He said a comment that has stuck with him is Olivia saying, “Now you’ve got a taste of your own medicine.” He explains, “Two wrongs don’t make a right. Fighting fire with fire is just a no-go.”

“I’ve already spoken with her about this,” says Jackson. “That’s her defence mechanism, and I don’t agree with it, and we’ve spoken about that.”

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
i see your true colours, and that’s why i (don’t) love uuuu

Olivia tells Nice Guy and Princess Bogan that she and Jackson had their first fight over it, as if anyone cares.

MAFS Recap: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
we literally couldn’t give 2 fucks about your relationship but go off, sis

Olivia apologises for the snide comments in a very insincere way.

“I feel like I just apologised but I’m not sorry for anything,” she tells Sam and Ballarat Paris, before saying she needs to vomit. Why do I feel like it would be projectile?

Sunday night everyone storms out of the commitment ceremony for reasons unknown.

Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can tell her how much you hate these MAFS recaps on IG here.

Image: Channel Nine