The Internet Wants To Know If MAFS’ Alyssa Has Trademarked The Sentence ‘I Have A Child’

MAFS' Alyssa sitting on couch with hair in plait with tweet overlaid which reads "my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child my child"

It’s home stays week on MAFS and people have just discovered that Alyssa has a child.

Did you know she has a child? The word “child” has been uttered so frequently that it’s starting to lose all meaning. It’s merely a jumble of letters.

The whole “child” hullaballoo started when Duncan met Alyssa’s mothers’ group mates, because clearly the man has not been through enough on MAFS.

The trio of mothers started grilling Duncan about his thoughts and feelings about Alyssa having a child and the fact he won’t be a top priority, and for the billionth time he said the spawn’s existence was fine. Didn’t phase him. Water off a duck’s back.

But then Alyssa kept saying, “I have a child!” like a malfunctioning robot. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me to learn she’s trademarked the term. A Child™.

The good people of Twitter felt hoodwinked, bamboozled and lead astray to learn that Alyssa has A Child.

Other folks were simply confused that Alyssa was acting like the first person in the world to have A Child™. 

Like, obviously her first priority is her son. That’s absolutely normal and understandable and fine. But there’s only so much reassurance Duncan can give her that he’s happy to be flexible and work around her priorities? You also have to be willing to let him into your life, you know.

It’s all very odd. We do not comprehend.

The episode ended with Alyssa and Duncan going on a boat so they could mix things up and talk about The Child™ on water, rather than land. I can’t tell you what else they discussed because I lost interest and also couldn’t look at the water in Sydney Harbour without feeling seasick.

If you’d like to find out what else happened tonight on MAFS (Evelyn and Rupert rooted! Lyndall kissed a fish for Cam!) you can catch up via our gorgy recap.

If you’re still chomping at the bit for MAFS-related gossip, you can sign up to our newsletter here or give our podcast We’ve Done The MAFS (hehe) a listen.