My internet is on the blink and I missed half of tonight’s MAFS episode so let’s just get stuck into this, shall we?

Before the NBN gods decided to punish me, we saw Cam and Lyndall meet the parents. Normally such occasions would revolve around niceties about the weather, Sydney and so on and so forth, but instead everyone decided to talk about the non-hug storyline, which is singlehandedly making me want to lobotomise myself.

From what I can gather, Cam and Lyndall were on the phone to Mummy Lyndall, who asked her faux son-in-law to give her daughter a hug for some reason. He declined to do this because he felt pressured to give the woman he is living with and rooting affection, which is normal.

Moving on, Mummy Lyndall sincerely apologised to Cam for allegedly pressuring him to hug her daughter. Mummy Cam wasn’t having a bar of it and told her to suck shit (not really, but essentially).

The good people of Twitter were confused by Mummy Cam’s bonkers reaction.

Mummy Cam also got up in everyone’s grill by making Lyndall out to be some insecure, attention-seeking city slicker for wanting a mere slither of affection from her son.

The internet agreed it was deeply rude and odd because wanting affection from your significant other doesn’t equal … insecurity? Can someone please

At some point in all of this Mummy Cam also went on some weird rant about how the room was too small for her son to run wild and free because he is some sort of Forrest Gump-esque bumpkin who doesn’t like being caged in the big smoke.

People were like, “Babe … he’s just in Sydney,” and they were right to say it.

The hullabaloo really kicked off though when Cam and his Mummy decided to go for a beer on the balcony to bitch about two-pot screamer Lyndall.

Cam came back and told Lyndall his Mummy thought her clingy ways could be down to … an INSECURITY and you just have to laugh, folks. You have to squeal and giggle like a little piggy rolling around in mud because this shit doesn’t write itself.

People were wondering what possessed Cam to say such a thing.

Lyndall clapped back in a normal way because, like, she just found out her fake mother-in-law thinks wanting a hug means she’s insecure, and Cam stormed off because he is a toddler who wants his Mummy. Clearly this man is guided by everything his mother tells him and can’t come to his own conclusions. CUT THE DANG CORD, DOLL.

All in all, Mummy Cam did not get stellar reviews from the people of Twitter. 0 stars.

And that was that. I never want to hear about hug-gate ever again lest I spontaneously combust out of boredom.

If you want to hear about the rest of the shitshow that was tonight’s episode of MAFS, you can give our recap a whirl.

If you’re still chomping at the bit for MAFS-related gossip, you can sign up to our newsletter here or give our podcast We’ve Done The MAFS (hehe) a listen.

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Image: Married At First Sight / Channel 9