As someone who’s experiencing withdrawals now that Married At First Sight (MAFS) is no longer consuming my life four nights a week, I know you’re all as excited as I am for the recap of the 2024 Reunion. Episode 37, people!
Things kick off with a nice, solid confirmation that Jono‘s a dirty liar, replaying all the times he said he didn’t even like Ellie. He then sits down on the couch and Ellie joins him for one of the 75 kisses they will share this evening.
What an amazing reveal this would’ve been if they didn’t get papped together within the first few weeks of the show. I hope Jono and Ellie are aware of how much they ruined our lives.
Lucinda Light our Glamazon Amazon is back to traverse the frequency of jolly good times and, let’s be honest, that’s the only reason we’re all here at this point. Whoever gets this woman on TV next is going to be very rich indeed.
Ridge has forgotten his maturity alongside Jade‘s SPF. He does, however, have a moustache and a horny curiosity for who’s been fornication with other people’s husbands and wives. They’ve also said “I love you” to one another.
Eden has graduated from getting makeup on Jayden’s towels (as he declared in his MAFS Final Vows) and is now tarnishing his face instead.
You know what, I’m actually not buying that they’re still in love because Eden has let him do a voxie looking like this:
If you thought we were done replaying all the despicable shit that Jack did this season, you’re mistaken — did anyone else get wildly pissed about 30% of MAFS Season 11 just being a replay of what we’ve already seen? Takes like 23 minutes just for an episode to start.
Well I’ll be damned, I thought Jack with his hair out was the scariest thing I’d ever seen until we were cursed with this MAFS scene:
Jack and Tori are happy with their new “contract” of being boyfriend and girlfriend and exchange both text messages and “content” when doing long distance. It would also appear that they fucked last night because Tori calls him “Jacob” in response to his spiel about catching up.
Sara and Tim are also still together (at least at the time of filming this MAFS scene).
Collins managed to receive an invite to the MAFS Reunion and is just as haha-y and wow-y as ever.
While Lucinda is excited to see Timothy and plans to wrestle him upon arrival, our Tin Man absolutely looks like he’s a bit unwell.
We’re now on our way to the MAFS 2024 Reunion. Apparently Jono is funny now? Ellie is laughing at everything he is saying even though he is a wet blanket.
The MAFS 2024 cast start piling in and everyone’s unusually happy to be mic’d up and dressed in something other than PJs again. Wow, they really tried to make us believe that Lucinda and Timothy’s reunion was more than it was just now.
Ahead of Tim and Sara arriving, Jayden is still passionately against the Sydney nutritionist’s mere existence and decides to get involved in her relationship once again.
Jayden reckons his wide-eyed neighbour would’ve dumped Sara at MAFS Final Vows if he had his time again.
This feels confusing to me considering how happy they seemed in the intro of this episode. Perhaps they are having more fun showing off that they’re still together than they are with each other.
Natalie is here and must suffer through an uncomfortable exchange of “wow” and “okay!” with her ex-nuisance.
Tori and Jack arrive to a lacklustre reception. Even the facial-hater herself can’t keep a straight one when telling Michael she’s moving to the Gold Coast to become a “Goldy Girl”.
The time has come — Ellie and Jono arrive through the doors hand in hand and they don’t even feel the slightest bit bad about it. I’ve had more decency around someone I’ve been on a pash-less date with.
Lauren says hello to Ellie who has decided to completely avoid her. Lauren makes a point that she had no problem with Ellie — until now, that is.
Once dinner rolls around, Ellie and Jono are really rubbing it in everyone’s faces with the PDA. Lucinda can smell the malice.
“I want to honour Lauren’s feelings,” Lucinda tells the table. “Let’s talk about it.”
How does Ellie respond?
“I’m feeling really good because I have Jono.”
Tori detects a smug face and we all know what that means. Meanwhile, Lauren looks like she’s trying to hold back the tears.
Ellie thinks it was fair game because Lauren had previously said she had no feelings for Jono. “Are you hurt?” Ellie asks Lauren.
Away from the dinner table, Lauren tells producers that she thinks she was unfairly painted in a cold light.
“It’s never about what the other person does it’s about how I react,” Lauren explains. “He just put on this nice guy act the entire time.”
Back at the dinner table, everyone is curious about the timeline of Ellie and Jono’s relationship considering it was only four weeks ago that he dumped Lauren.
Jono has clearly prepared this one in a suspicious numeric fashion:
- Jono got in touch with Ellie one week after MAFS Final Vows.
- Their telephone chat went for 90 minutes.
- They then had a six-hour coffee.
- 10 hours later, they kissed.
“Don’t forget you’re a queen,” Lucinda reminds Lauren (who is crying at the other side of the table).
“She’s faking it and you’re buying it,” Jono tells Lucinda, who is giving him a stern word for being an insensitive douche.
“You don’t give a shit about me. You never did,” Jono tells Lauren.
Jono then gets real cunty and patronising and says, “Let me explain it one more time and let’s see if you can get it.”
“Do not fucking talk to me like that,” Lauren yells back at him. Well bloody deserved if I do say so myself.
“You are the nastiest person I’ve ever met in my life, Lauren. You are horrible,” Jono bites back.
I’m very confused how Jono went from seeing a future with Lauren at Home Stays to thinking she is the worst person alive?
Sara believes there was intent behind Ellie and Jono’s “platonic” relationship during the experiment, which they vehemently deny.
“Ellie,” Lauren jumps in, as if she’s suggesting it’s time for her to fess up.
“I left the experiment in Week Five you fucking bitch,” Ellie says.
I cannot confirm this is what Ellie said because it’s beelped out but it definitely looked like it. AND I AM SHOCKED.
Good thing Ellie wore that black eye makeup tonight because she just became a villain in my eyes.
Her evil boyfriend, Jono, is not done, now taking aim at Sara. He tells Sara that Tim would’ve made a different decision at final vows if he had more time.
Jono adds salt to the wound by saying that Tim deserves someone better than Sara.
Sara is clearly shocked and pushes Tim for what he said after knowing that Jono doesn’t understand the concept of “verbatim”.
Tim says that he “potentially” could’ve made a different decision which, I agree with Sara, is basically the same thing.
But it’s OK! Tim’s happy with his decision now even though he’s been telling the boys otherwise!
“Come on, babe. We’ve had a crazy ride,” Tim tries to calm Sara.
She hates this and thinks Tim has tried to turn this fuck-up on her. “I have made up for my mistakes!”
Sara is embarrassed because she thought they were going really well. She breaks down into tears and walks out.
Jono, however, is very happy with himself. Tori’s quite enjoying it too.
Tim follows Sara outside where she proceeds to yell and point and him like she didn’t just so an eight-week crash course in communicating in relationships. Just like old times!
“You say the stupidest shit, Tim,” she yells at him.
“If you don’t want to be in this relationship don’t fucking be in it,” she yells again.
He quietly tells her to stop yelling and doesn’t point at her during the request.
Tim returns to the MAFS Reunion dinner table and tells Jono that he has no loyalty.
Jono has no remorse.”That was hilarious,” he laughs before kissing Ellie. Again.
“They’re probably so sick of seeing us kiss,” Ellie tells him. Took the words right out of my mouth (which is able to speak when not kissing someone for the 176th time tonight).
Wow, wow, wow. That was everything I hoped for and more. But the preview for the MAFS Finale has left me a little underwhelmed. Sure, we see Tori storm out, but where’s the rest? I need more! MORE!
See you for tomorrow night’s FINAL (!!!) MAFS Recap.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can tell her what to do with her time now via Instagram DMs.
