Kanye Invented Glow-In-The-Dark Yeezys Because Kim Blatantly Bribed North

Celebrity parenting works a little differently than your average Joe and Jane, but the fundamentals remain the same: If the kid won’t do a thing, liberally bribe them until they do. It’s just the scale of resources available to you is a little higher when you’re Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

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Kanye yesterday put his Shoe Megalith hat on, revealing a new variation of Yeezys that glow in the fucking dark.


Hell yeah.

While sneakerheads went into meltdown over the illuminating keds, which don’t have any particular release date as of yet, Kardashian took some time a few hours ago to explain their appearance even further: Namely, they came into being because North caught her out in a bald-faced lie.

The story goes that North simply refused to put on her Butter 350 Yeezys a while ago. She would not do it, and was not about to entertain the idea of ceding. While that, on paper, seems a bit rich – a kid refusing to wear a pair of absurdly expensive designer sneakers – you gotta remember that, from North’s point-of-view, it’s the lame ass shoes her Dad designed and when you think of it like that then fair enough.

In an attempt to get her to put them on, Kim – egregiously lying to her own daughter – told North they glowed in the dark.

A perfect lie, a masterful deceit, an impeccable ruse, only brought undone by the fact that North told her to turn off the lights and prove it.

How’s Kanye there, pulling the ultimate Dad move by swooping in at the end and fixing the problem, looking like a goddamned hero in the process but only after Mum Kim copped the brunt of the heat.

Celebrities, folks. They really are just like us.