Sound the fucken horny alarm, because Hillary Duff‘s confirmed that Ethan Craft is returning for the Lizzie McGuire 2020 reboot. Yep, Ethan “crush alert” Craft.
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The Duffster (I’ve really missed calling her that) dropped the clanger during an interview this week with E!, saying she “can’t give away too much” but that Lizzie’s crush will absolutely be a part of the new series. And he’s gonna be fucking sexy as hell.
“He is hot. He’s very hot. I’m pretty sure there’s going to be, there’s going to be a thing.”
Look, I don’t know how far a show about kids that is now about 30-year-olds is going to go in terms of physical interaction, but when I hear “there’s going to be a thing” I think “there is going to be a penis inside a vagina”. Is it wrong to be discussing Lizzie McGuire’s sex life? Even if she’s now 30 and has a boyfriend of two years she’s almost definitely fucking?
Here’s what I say to you if you’re judging me rn.
Hold up – about that. Yeah, so Lizzie (when we meet her again at 30) has a long-term boyfriend. How is Ethan Craft going to fit in with THAT little pickle?
I’m going to assume Ethan’s back to screw all of this perfection up.
“She has an awesome boyfriend and they’ve been together for two years so everything’s looking pretty promising for her.”
Like no one wants to watch Lizzie McGuire being fucking happy as Larry with some borza (he will absolutely be borza, probably like an investment banker with no friends) life partner, living it up all successfully. No! We need drama! Spice! Joie de vivre! Hot teen dream crushes returning as fully grown adult men capable of pleasuring a woman!
I don’t know guys, it’s late and I’ve very much lost my marbles. The general point here is Ethan and Lizzie are absolutely kissing, at the very least.
