Tie your kangaroo down, whip out the goon bags and fire up the smoke machines ‘cos another season of Stan’s RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under is here and with it, more gorgeous rucaps.
It’s so good to be back with another season of this extraordinarily gay show. Say what you want about the franchise having 769 seasons a year, it’s the Aussie one that excites me the most.
There’s truly nothing like getting to see talent from your country get represented on an international platform. Oh, and getting to savour all the jokes that American binches won’t be able to understand? Any excuse to be included while America is left in the dust and I’ll be there with bells on the ends of my cork hat.
But hey, no more dawdling, let’s get into this thing!
First into the room is Sydney legend Hannah Conda.
She’s beauty, she’s grace and her lips could have saved at least two members of the Titanic crash.
It’s so good to see Aussie legends appearing on the show — this time, let’s hope they aren’t sent home early just to be brought back an episode later.
Next into the werk room is Hatsall Folks.
A killer queen from NSW’s North Shore. After all, how is one supposed to lounge about the sandy beaches without a giant fuck-off hat to shield your face from the sun?
Personally, I’m rooting for her.
Coming in next is Faúx Fúr from Sydney.
Honestly, I am obsessed with this queen. She’s loud, she’s hilarious, she’s crazy. There’s nothing faux about her.
In a shocking first-episode twist, Faúx throws Hatsall to the ground, eliminating her on the spot.
Damn, guess that’s my favourite gone already.
Speaking of favourites, in comes Spankie Jackzon looking like Elektra Shock‘s smoking hot godmother.
Whether it’s making a quickfire quip or sharing her heart of gold with the world, this queen excels.
She also excels in wearing no pants but that’s something most homosexuals are good at anyway.
Straight from the factory production line, it’s Twink #48371945 Beverly Kills!
She’s come into this competition with a LOT to say about how others do drag but then again she’s also 21.
Who wasn’t a bit of a rebellious twink at 21?
Speaking of rebellious twinks, coming in hot off the race track is an icon of Oceania, Minnie Cooper.
Literal legend of our times. Hell, she could host the damn show she’s so iconic. They should be paying her $50k just to appear, to be honest.
Following Minnie was a queen named after Australia’s favourite festival activity, Molly Poppinz from Newcastle.
She’s colourful, she’s bright, she’s hilarious, I’m obsessed. It’s about time we had more Novocastrians on the show. #JusticeForJojoZaho.
Coming straight from the meat section at IGA, it’s Yuri Guaii from Auckland.
Absolutely showstopping. I audibly gasped when she walked into the room. It’s about time someone licked a damn knife on the set of RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under exclusively on Stan.
Clearly I wasn’t the only one who was gagged, either. Faúx channelled all my feelings in the confessional booth.
The queens start coming and they do NOT stop coming. Next up was Aubrey Haive who hails from Timaru, NZ but is now based in Melbourne.
Something about that makes sense, she just seems very Melburnian. I’m absolutely obsessed with this Austin Powers-esque aesthetic she’s got going on. Even though she’s been doing drag for two months, she’s got SKILLS.
Next up is the fifth instalment in the Pomara series, Pomara Fifth.
I personally have not seen the first four films but after getting a taste of Pomara’s humour and fashion, I definitely want to go back and watch them all.
Last but definitely not least was Kween Kong, the trade of the season, the mug of the season, the fashion queen of the season, the lipsync assassin, my mother, my sister, my niece, my daughter, my HUSBAND.
I’m so excited to see what this living legend pulls off on this show. I just know we are in for a fkn FEAST for the eyes.
Alrighty then, that’s everyone. Now let’s get this show on the road.
RuPaul makes his appearance in the Drag Race Down Under werk room and addresses the elephant in the room (or maybe it isn’t actually in the room I still can’t tell).
He’d like the world to know (CC: Abbie Chatfield) that he is definitely in the room with the Aussie and NZ queens. In fact, he was never not in the room.
To prove he is definitely here this time, he decides to slap the shit out of a silhouette wearing a blonde wig and a purple dress that may or may not be Spankie. What a great way to clear the rumours.
The first Drag Race Down Under challenge to initiate the competition is to pose with a snag from the barbie next to some HOT mens wearing Bonds™ undies.
It doesn’t get any more down under than that.
Hannah reveals she has Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) in one of the most heartfelt coming-out stories the show has seen.
Meanwhile, Minnie Cooper is out here slaying the FUCK out of this sausage posing contest.
Who knew a slice of bread with an ill-coloured snag raw dogging it right through the middle could be hot?
The queens are then tasked with their first ever main challenge: making a down-under-inspired dress out of unconventional materials.
The theme here is kinda loosy goosy. I mean, how are the girls supposed to make something down-under themed with a bunch of pool noodles and clear plastic sheets?
The girls get straight to the construction game, and are all taking this competition very seriously.
No queen is taking it more seriously than Faúx, however, who after already eliminating Hatsall from the competition is out for blood. She attempts to deafen her competition with a rendition of Minnie Riperton‘s “Lovin’ You”.
Minnie makes the mistake of trying to have a normal conversation with the Twink Brigade: Aubrey Haive and Twink #48371945.
Immediately things start to take a turn for the worst and ageism pops out. But hey, this show is no stranger to awful isms, amirite ladies?
Speaking of everyone’s dad’s favourite contestant, Twink #48371945 (Beverly Kills) decides to go down the list of names on the cast and throw a little bit of shade.
Poor #48371945 probably thought she was being funny with her little digs but they really did come across as quite unnecessary.
Babes, we haven’t even seen what you’ve got yet, save the dragging for later.
Kween Kong has a bit of trouble assembling the lewk of her dreams, Hannah Conda and Molly Poppinz celebrate the fact that they’re both hot glue baddies and Yuri is literally the only one actually sewning (it’ll make sense later).
Meanwhile Minnie — bless her heart — is stapling her dress together. But hey, she made it look chic in the end.
Here are some of the notable looks of this Drag Race Down Under episode:
We’ve got Hannah Conda as the Gum Nut Fairy (she did WHAT in his gums?). Not gonna lie this look was pretty amazing considering what we saw in the werk room.
Yuri’s look was sensational. Breathtaking. Literally would have won if she didn’t trip over it and then give up halfway through.
But hey, we love a queen whose only flaw is her own confidence. Extra points for relatability.
For a queen of hot glue, Molly Poppinz really turned it out. There was something about her look that just had X factor. As in someone on X Factor would have buzzed it off the stage but then one of the nicer judges would hit that gold button and send her straight to the finals.
And then there’s Spankie with her prolapsed Teletubby butthole couture.
It’s deliberation time and Yuri tells the judges that she’s sewen her dress from scratch. Not sewn, but sewen.
There’s something about this queen that is just SO likeable folks, I need her to make it far.
Back in the werk room the queens are untucking and talking about each other’s looks.
Tensions rise to a sizzling level after the Twink Brigade decides to compare their looks to others and make it clear that theirs are better.
Minnie — bless her heart again — interjects to say that Aubrey’s look was ill-fitting while hers fit nicely. A wild claim from someone with foil stapled together against your chest, but I see where she was coming from.
Aubrey and Twink #48371945 were safe for a reason, their outfits just weren’t that special.
It’s lipsync for your life time and the two bottom queens are Faúx and Spankie.
The two queens battle it out to one of Kylie Minogue‘s greatest songs, “Get Outta My Way”.
It really is a battle of the two talking heads of Drag Race Down Under, but unfortunately, Faúx is declared as the one heading home.
It sucks to see such an original and humorous queen leave so early, but the plus side is that we get to see more of Spankie, who has some of the best confessionals and a huge fkn heart.
Godspeed Faúx. I wish we got to see more of what you had to offer. But hey, at least we can catch you at the clubs absolutely SERVING it.
Hat’s off to ya, Faúx. Like, literally. You left Hatsall Folks weeping on the Drag Race Down Under werk room floor ya bish.
