There is probably an alternate universe out there where I am a hot assassin, tailing a bullet train in Japan on my latest high-octane mission with Brad Pitt. In this universe, that is not the case. I am but a simple writer. But, I can live out my best assassin fantasy by watching B-Pitty and Sandra Bullock (who would play me in the alternate universe movie version) ride the rails while trading fisty-cuffs with a slew of lethal assassins.
Directed by David Leitch (Deadpool 2), Bullet Train stars Brad Pitt as Ladybug (aww bless), a charming but unlucky assassin who kinda just wants out of the killing life. Fair enough babe.
Here’s the sitch: sweet angel Ladybug has been convinced by his boss Maria Beetle (Sandra Bullock) to do a simple snatch-and-grab job, collecting a briefcase from a bullet train that travels from Tokyo to Kyoto. I’m sure absolutely nothing will go wrong and the movie will be over in 10 minutes. Just kidding. I’m pretty sure, like, one or two things go wrong for Ladybug along the way.
Bullet Train has got something for everyone – Brad Pitt leads an iconic international ensemble of interconnected assassins on a wild adventure through neon-lit Japan. It’s funny, it’s fast-paced, and it’s got Brad Pitt in a bucket hat. What more could you want?
The trailer gives nary a clue away but it does show a lot of familiar faces. Does walking sexual awakening Aaron Taylor Johnson strike a chord? Throw in Brian Tyree Henry (Atlanta), Joey King (The Kissing Booth) and Puerto Rican rapper Bad Bunny and you’ve got yourselves an absolute romp of a flick.
So, if you can tell us your very best hot assassin name, we might sling ya some tickies to an advanced screening of Bullet Train on August 3. Ahead of the masses, that’s what we love. You’ve just gotta explain to us what your assassin name would be and why it rules in 25 words or less – so get your thinking caps on, hot assassins in the making.
Watch the trailer above on repeat (if not for Ladybug’s quips alone) and if you miss out on advanced tickets, Bullet Train hits cinemas on August 4.
I can’t wait to see how this turns out.
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