It’s easy to get lost in all the female #DRAMA of Bachelor In Paradise (especially when they’re detailing each other’s sexual history on national television – NOT OK, Elora) but can we take a moment to pay attention to the blossoming and disintegrating bromances happening in front of our very eyes?
This show isn’t about bitchfights and everlasting love! It’s about the beauty of platonic male relationships and dogging the boys! Alright, nuff of that: let’s dig deeper into the complexities of the only male friendships television-watchers care about right now.
THE BOY DATE THAT MELTED COLD HEARTS
“Bath time with boys gets weird” #BroDate #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/qQGJuYQRv8
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 16, 2018
I don’t care what anyone says, this will go down as one of the most heartwarming moments on the show. When Canadian Thomas tried and failed to ask a number of girls out on a date, the boys of the island – more specifically Australian Jarrod, Australian Sam and Australian Apollo – stepped in to take him out on a boy’s date.
Now that’s friendship / I’m glad someone did something because it was v. hard to watch.
MICHAEL DOGGING HIS M8: LUKE
The most dramatic rose ceremony EVER #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/y7ksQm8vfV
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 11, 2018
It’s nice that Michael has balls that are not only blue but also metaphorically big. I really commended him for going after Lisa, even if her and Luke were hitting it off from day dot. I dunno what the producers laid out to us, but it kinda seemed like Lisa initiated that rose-giving after Luke blurted out that he wasn’t 100% committal after all.
Anyway, seeing Michael’s “I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl” speech, followed by a “I dogged me mate I dogged me mate” teary in the bushes was absolutely worth it. It was nice that he gave enough fucks about everyone’s feelings in the situation. He did, right? And how Luke handled it? Phenom.
That lil’ wink to Lisa? Phenom.
JAKE + DAVEY’S FIGHT FOR FLO
Jake has stolen Davey’s girl and he is NOT happy #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/eXzbQP3v6U
— BachelorInParadiseAU (@BachParadiseAU) March 26, 2018
“Bro code’s very tight, you know – it’s been going around for centuries and centuries.”
These are the very important words of man-child philosopher Davey Lloyd. He uttered them while vying for Sam Frost‘s heart in the Bachelor mansion, but let me tell you, it was a whole different story for him come Bachelor In Paradise.
For anyone who’s watched the show (if you haven’t then mate, what is you doing here), you’ll know full-well that Davey found this out the hard way.
Yep, he decided to be a good mate to his main mate Jake and not take Florence on a date. Then Jake wasn’t a good mate to his main mate Davey and took Florence on a date less than 24 hours later. Florence sent Davey home. You see how it goes. Bro-code? Broken. Flo-code? Broken.
SAM SWOOPS IN ON TARA + MICHAEL’S NON-EXISTENT ‘THING’
This isn’t awkward at all. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/EjWF1Rm86w
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 2, 2018
You snooze you lose, Michael. Going on a date with Keira was the worst thing he could’ve possibly done, because it made way for Sam to show Tara he’s not just a dickhead (her words, not mine) who stares at celebrity ta-tas. Let’s be honest, no one gave two shits about this bro-code violation because well, are Sam and Michael even mates?
JARROD’S TANTY OVER MACK’S INTEREST IN THE VERY-SINGLE ALI
When someone tries talking about the current state of Bitcoin #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/PrbmvxOB7O
— BachelorInParadiseAU (@BachParadiseAU) April 8, 2018
Jarrod, please chill the shit out mate. The eager beaver could not bloody hack it when Mack gave Ali his rose, even though she was quite literally a free agent. You’ve got to hand it to the other blokes on the island though, who gracefully tapped out of the dumb confrontation as it unravelled in front of them. Good boys.
MACK AND MICHAEL’S FAIR GAME
😢😢😢 #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/XRqjK3yFm4
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 8, 2018
Now, this was quite nice. Obviously it was a little bit awkward for the two guys actively vying for Ali’s attention, Mack and Michael, given they were roommates and on level playing field in terms of their relationship with her. Thankfully for their friendship, Ali turned them both down and went for Grant.
GRANT’S MISGUIDED LOYALTY FOR DANIEL
“Hell hath no fury like Keira’s storm” #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/03IaZU55AY
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 10, 2018
Speaking of Grant, he really went for Keira after she was 1/100 people wanting to send home Douche Daniel. While we didn’t see it in the episode, Kiera went to town on her Instagram Stories to tell us the “real story“: that grant was shitty about his fellow yank contestant going home.
Is that really reason to cause drama? There’s loyalty and then there’s leveraging your so-called loyalty to just stir shit. Grant, you may make the girls wet but read a self-help book every once in a while, would ya?
DOUCHE DANIEL’S COMPLETE DISRESPECT FOR ALL OF ‘EM
Confidence is key, right…? #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Rz5VN2dHgY
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 8, 2018
Daniel is absolutely a “hoes before bros” kinda dude, if that was still a thing that was allowed to be said. His main purpose was to walk in and woo the girls with his sleaziness all while pissing off the boys. It was a fun three-day stint. Grant was the only one who backed him, other than Nina who saw some glimmer of good in him and like, maybe American Jared.
EVERYONE’S HATRED FOR DOUCHE DANIEL
Summary of the night #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/zEbZ6Y1ov8
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) April 9, 2018
Sometimes you can hate someone, but you bond over a mutual and even greater hatred for someone else. It’s not healthy but it happens and sometimes the result can be damn beautiful. That’s what happened in Paradise this season.
Despising Daniel became a team sport. Actually fuck, it wasn’t just within Paradise, it was throughout all of Oz too.
The power of bromances: undeniable.
The definition of bromance 👬 #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/NasWe2yTV7
— Bachelor In Paradise Australia (@BachParadiseAU) March 26, 2018