Good morning to Abbie Chatfield and a massive hello to her new partner’s unholy schmeat, which has poked us all in the eye on this good and gracious day of our lord. I simply love being on the internet.
Captioning her new partner’s *ABC News reporter voice* genital region with the words “semi soft launch”, Chatfield did just that. Soft launch her man’s semi. And by launch I mean catapult it into our Instagram feeds.
I haven’t seen this much worm since the Dune 2 ads were showing.
This is the first post of hers that features her new man (at least with a caption that refers to him as such). In the past, Chatfield has hinted at being madly in love with *someone* on the It’s A Lot podcast, and it looks like this meat candle could be the one.
In a special two-part episode, Chatfield shared her new heavyweight champion actually started as a “close friendship” which then blossomed into a “deep connection”. Friends to lovers to soft cock on main. It’s the modern day Romeo and Juliet!
“I’ve known him for a couple of years,” Abbie revealed.
“I cry every day because of how I am happy… because he makes me so happy.
“He’s made me see myself again. I’ve always wanted someone as fun as my friends.”
In a series of Instagram stories Chatfield explained her thought process behind the cock pic, jokingly saying she didn’t think it would gain so much traction.
“We didn’t think it was really cock-centric. We just thought it was a funny pun,” she laughed.
“He wants everyone to know that he was horny.
“He was like, maybe I was horny and was thinking about you sucking my dick and maybe it translated.”
In one of the vids, you can even hear her man jokingly say he was horny when the pic was taken.
Shoutout to Chatfield for reading this article. And shout out to her man for girthily (it’s a word now) providing content on this gorgeous Wednesday.
“In summary the Pedestrian article is making both of us piss ourselves because we really didn’t mean for it to be penis-centric,” she laughed.
Who is Abbie Chatfield’s new boyfriend?
And does he work in a deli because good lord he knows how to pack meat.
On the It’s A Lot podcast, Chatfield hinted at who her new man could be.
“The caption said friends in capital letters,” she said.
And if we go back in time to March this year, we can see a carousel of pics from the Australian Grand Prix, featuring Peking Duk’s Adam Hyde front and centre.
“Fun Grand Prix w FRIENDS!!!!!!!!! Zoom zoom zoom etc,” read the caption.
I mean… look at the soft launch pic. A man in a singlet who has big dick energy and treats his partner lovingly? Literally who else in the Aussie music scene could it be BUT Adam Hyde?
Look at the material below! Investigative journalism skills ACTIVATE.
I rest my case. And out of respect for Adam Hyde and his singlet collection I will stop making jokes about his magnitude 8 earth shaker. Congrats to Abbie on her new relo!