Why do we keep doing this.

Of all the wretched things humanity has wrought, the ongoing meme of “recently dead seafood wriggles hideously on a plate” has gotta be up there as one of the worst.

We’ve already been through the eldritch horror that is the dancing squid” dish – in which soy sauce appears to bring a dead cuttlefish atop a bowl of probably-delicious Japanese food back to life:

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Auuuggghhhhh make it stoppppp

At least with this monstrosity from the deep we know that it’s just the soy sauce creating a chemical reaction in the recently-deceased cephalopod’s muscles.

This newest abomination has no such guarantee. It is a surf clam, recently prepared at Japanese sushi chain Sushiro, and delivered to a table STILL WRIGGLING.

NO THANK YOU.

The video, which is captioned “the tragedy of Sushiro” (grim), has been shared like crazy, with people comparing ol’ flappy clam here to a number of things:

…all of them dreadful.

Clams are terrible at best even when alive. Why must they continue their reign of terror after being prepared for human consumption?

More importantly, WHY MUST WE INSIST ON EATING THEM. If the thing is still wriggling when you go to stick your utensil in it, chuck it back in the sea and start again. You know what doesn’t wriggle when you try to eat it? Kelp. Nice, sedate, sensible kelp.

If there’s anything more likely to put you off seafood for life, I’d like to see it.