If you’re lucky enough to have secured a date this weekend, good for you.
Seriously, good for you. Finding someone you’d like to spend time with (time that could be devoted to sleeping, eating or memeing) is no easy feat.
So, you want to take them out for a meal, do ya? Succelent Chinese ones are always delicious; so is McDonalds. But both Big Macs and fried rice can be messy business.
Enter: Japanese.
It’s fresh, filling and flavoursome af. There’s no limit to what you can try – a plate of steaming Gyoza, some veggie tempura or a Teriyaki Don – all washed down with your poison of choice, be that a fine whiskey or glass of sake.
Depending on how much you like your lass / lad, you could take them to the hole-in-the-wall joint on your nearest main street, or, you could treat them to something a little fancier, like Ichi Ni in Melbourne‘s St Kilda, or Toko in Sydney‘s Surry Hills.
Regardless of how much you’re spending, there’s a right way to eat the cuisine, and a wrong way.
this? wrong
According to the head chef at Sukiyabashi Jiro in Japan (one of the world’s best sushi joint – Obama has eaten there) these are the do’s and don’ts of eating sushi. Think of this as your pre-date sushi lesson – a lesson in not coming across like an uncouth baboon at the dinner table.
1. Chopstick etiquette
Not going to lie, using chopsticks does take a lot of practice. If you’re new, it’s okay to admit – better to make it known at the start of the date lest you have an unfortunate drop and cop a slippery piece of sashimi to the pants.
First off, you want to hold the chopsticks toward their butt end – stay as far away from the tip and middle of the choppers as you can.
How do and don’t you pick up Nigiri?
BAD: as you’re picking the sushi up on an angle in the middle – giving the Nigiri more of a chance of falling apart
GOOD: picking up the sushi from its lower half, parallel to the plate, gives it a secure grasp
2. Using those dang hands of yours
Let’s say you and your date have agreed that you’re no good at using chopsticks, so you both start using your grubby little mitts. Of course, make sure they’re freshly washed – ain’t nobody want cooties on their California hand roll.
Don’t feel too bad if you’re doing this – using your clean hands actually the traditional way of eating sushi.
BAD: similar to the chopstick pick up, grabbing that slippery sucker from the top will surely distort its delicate shape
GOOD: Keep your fingers light (posh pinky optional) and grasp the piece around the sides
3. Eating, piece by piece
If you’re trying your best to come across as dainty and well-mannered, you may be tempted to eat the Nigiri bit-by-bit, biting it in half.
While you may think this is proper conduct, the pieces are actually made to fit in your mouth perfectly, in one fell swoop.
BAD: biting the Nigiri in half. They’re made 6cm long to fit in your chunthole perfectly, so whack it in as is. Halving it will just encourage a messy dining area. Not sexy
4. Picking stuff up 2.0
Everyone has their own way of doing things, but picking Nigiri up upside down is not an excusable way of conducting oneself. Trying to do this for the below photo was quite the task; I wouldn’t recommend.
BAD: trying to impress your date by doing some weird shit like this? No wonder you’re still single
5. Saucy Etiquette
Contrary to popular belief, those little condiment-holding dishes they give you at Japanese restaurants aren’t really for dipping stuff straight into. Instead, you should be using the pickled ginger as a brush of sorts to apply just the right amount of soy.
Of course, everyone’s palate is different – you may like a strong punch of soy to the mouth with every bite. But to honour the integrity of flavour prepared by the chef, it’s advised you go light to really enjoy the flavours.
BAD: Letting your little piece of yumminess marinate in the unami soy. It throws the unique balance of flavours right off
GOOD: Even if ginger isn’t your taste, use the little shards as a soy brush – that way you’ll get just the right amount of sauce without dousing your precious little morsels
6. Cleansing yer palate
Japanese food is complex with layers of flavour, so you’d be excused for wanting to freshen the palate in-between bites.
If you want to act like a true connoisseur, don’t reach for the water – instead, go for some Shoga (pickled ginger) or some tea.
GOOD: bite off a bitta ginger to cut through any lingering aftertastes
7. How not to burn your freaking face off with Wasabi
Wasabi, wasabi, wasabi. You’re so damn hot, an Australian Idol finalist even wrote a song in your honour.
low key a really great song
Wasabi is a bastard cousin of cabbage, horseradish and mustard.
here it is, zoomed in on heaps, to show you how sinister it truly can be
It’s not really a bastard, but it is very hot, and produces an interesting reaction in your mouth. Instead of stimulating the tongue, its vapours invade your nasal passage – and if you have too much, you will most likely feel a violent rage in your face.
If you want the unique experience of a wasabi-infused dish, dab your chopstick on it and transfer a smidge onto your sushi. Go light. It’s freakier than it looks.
8. Don’t wait, eat it now
BAD: Leaving your assorted pieces out in the open
If the date goes well, this shouldn’t happen. But, if you’re stuck in deep, deep conversation, there’s a chance you’ll let the edibles slip to the back of your mind.
In an ideal world, you’ll eat the selection as soon as it’s placed in front of you – this is when the food is at its freshest, and therefore tastiest.
Kanpai!
Source: Sushi Jiro.
Photo: Sex & The City.
