On my daily scrolling of Twitter during my lunch break, I came across something alarming. Like I’d stumbled upon some great state secret long held by Western Australia, activating my fight or flight response. Something called the “Long Mac Topped Up”, which is apparently a known and loved coffee order over on the west coast.
A friend in Perth had posted a photo of a little sign in a local café about the Long Mac Topped Up, noting it’s the “worst possible coffee”, which feels like a strong opinion from someone who lives in the city that seems to adore such a rogue coffee order.
long mac topped up is the worst possible coffee pic.twitter.com/mNZinHUPxR
— 41 year old man (@DuckHonkin) July 6, 2021
(I asked my mate about it and he told me he wants the records to show that he doesn’t like long macs, and he does not order long macs.)
It’s quite literally a long macchiato topped up with textured milk, which sounds shockingly like a strong latte, but apparently it is not and Perthonalities will make you feel bad for suggesting such blasphemy against their sacred bean drink. So what makes the Long Mac Topped Up different? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you.
But apparently, it’s this.
There’s an entire movement happening over on the western side of the country with this baffling coffee order, and they’re determined to take the Long Mac Topped Up to the world. And for reasons seemingly unknown (apart from the fact that he has a café in the US) the LMTU people have Hugh Jackman in their sights to help spread the word of the definitely-not-a-double-shot-latte.
How often are people over in the West Australian capital specifically asking for their long macchiatos topped up with milk? Turns out it must be a fair bit, because the coffees have even popped up on Trip Advisor posts about local Perth cafés.
You know you’ve made it as part of the tourism experience when boomers are posting photos from the local coffee club with comments like “breakfast with a friend”.
With this newfound knowledge about Perth’s secret coffee order society, I simply must know – how long has this been a thing? Who else knows about this? Can I go and order a long mac topped up at my local Melbourne café or will I get laughed out the door? Was Western Australia just hanging onto this one until they eventually secede and then move to make it their national beverage? What ELSE are you lot hiding over there?
I demand answers, and a strong coffee to ease this tension headache.