Anyone who visited the United States in the early 2010s will probably whisper the name “Four Loko” with the kind of quivering dread usually reserved for war veterans. A perniciously fucked concoction of barely-flavoured booze and caffeine, Four Loko strove to answer the question “how fired up can a human being get before they have to be legally registered as a jet engine?” Though the drink was largely yoinked from shelves in its original form, the good news for Australians keen to be hammered drunk and wide awake for a month is that we’re apparently having our own moment in the heart palpitation sun thanks to the modern king of high school parties, Little Fat Lamb.
[jwplayer VMBuJfFv]
A post from a Premix King outlet, a truly insane business that proves definitively that “the law” is opt-in, alerted us to the presence of a new breed of Little Fat Lamb entitled “Fantasy,” that apparently comes chock to the gills with brain-wiring guarana.
A little digging later confirmed the existence of this truly baffling bottle of stomach stripper. It’s deeply real, and it’s available for supposed public consumption (for now).
1.25 litres at 8% alc/vol with bloody guarana in it. Christ alive. It’s probably a decent option if you need to run straight through the moon’s core and you only have about $4 to your name, and possibly good for stripping grease off of submarine pistons, but deeply unadvisable for literally any other situation.
Beyond Premix King, a real bottom-of-the-barrel situation we’re not quite ready to explore yet, we have absolutely no idea where on earth you’d get your hands on this frankly insane product, nor do we care to. Though we have the strong suspicion it will present itself naturally to those who need it the most, or those who are truly worthy of it.
A real Sword In The Stone issue, this one. Except instead of becoming a King you shit your pants in the gutter and try to fight a traffic island.
Pretty much the same thing, if you think about it.
