When it comes to alcoholic beverages you can just buy in a bottle and not need mixers for, Little Fat Lamb is, I’m sorry, the most unhinged choice.

The beverage has a mystical quality to it. It’s not cider, it’s not beer. Many say it’s ginger beer, but when you Google it the questions – and answers – remain confusing as hell.

“While it’s supposedly made from cider, nowhere on the drink’s label does it actually say this,” an article by SMH says.

It’s labelled as a “brewed” alcoholic drink, and my friend Alex is obsessed with it. He will bring a bottle to EVERY party. Several, if it’s a weekend getaway. He’ll nurse that portly 1.25L bottle all night. Sometimes, he gets fancy and pours it into a wine glass.

He reckons he tried freezing the drink once, and it took over 24 hours to actually freeze. This is likely due to the high alcohol content – 8%, which is wild.

But for every hater of Little Fat Lamb (me) there are people like Alex who genuinely enjoy the bev. He also likes Passion Pop, which I think says everything about his alcohol tastebuds here.

So for you Little Fat Lamb fans, here’s his definitive ranking.

1. Fantasy

Alex says this is “like a vodka red bull but bigger and better. Not only does this top this list but would also come second in the list “best things to buy at a bottle shop generally” (after passion pop of course).”

I mean. You knew he was unhinged.

2. Ginger

His second favourite flavour is ginger. He says it’s a “classic, refreshing, less divisive so good option for a first try and to covert people onto LFL.” He legitimately abbreviated Little Fat Lamb to “LFL” here.

3. Cola

Alex says the Cola flavour “tastes like the Woolworths brand Pepsi which makes it versatile… have it on a night out or as a hair of the dog the next day while eating your KFC.”

I will never have a “LFL” to fix a hangover are you HIGH.

4. Lemon

Alex says lemon is “probably the most refreshing. Have it on ice by the beach/pool.”

5. Berry

As we start to hit the shithouse end of a shithouse beverage, berry cops a “rather sweet so can put people off. But great flavour for those who are a bit fruity.”

6. Apple

Alex says of the apple flavour “if you’re going for this option you probably also like drink’s like Somersby Ciders. This is a good option to try but it can’t compete with most of the ciders on offer.” Yes, probably because it’s not actually cider. It is just a disgusting apple drink.

7. Pear

“As above, but for those who prefer pear over apple.”

8. Watermelon

Alex says watermelon alone is “an excellent fruit, but the LFL team hasn’t done it justice. Has a good initial taste but a weird after taste that just lingers there.”

9. Tropical

Alex had a story for Tropical. He says he “drank this for sunny arvo picnic thinking I’d be transported mentally to a tropical island. I was SORELY disappointed. I would drink only if given for free (which is saying something given they are only around $10-$15).”

10. Strawberry and Lime

And finally, his most hated flavour. The one that frankly sounded most appealing to me, so there you go. “Just don’t. Ever.”