An Investigation Into The Most Cooked Canadian Town Names, From Crotch Lake To Dildo

Canadian Place Names, Dildo, Newfoundland

Canada seems like a lovely place to visit, if we are ever allowed to travel again – they have friendly people, an abundance of snow, the best Drag Race, and they gave the world Celine Dion. It turns out, though, that there are also some fairly seriously cooked Canadian place names. I don’t know what exactly they’re putting in the poutine up there, but some of them are downright filthy.

Anyway, in the interests of serious journalism, I’ve gone ahead and ranked the wildest Canadian place names I could find, from a little bit cheeky all the way through to pornographic – yes, I’m looking at you, Dildo.

A Little Bit Suggestive:

  • Old Entrance, Alberta
  • Fertile, Saskatchewan
  • Salmon Arm, British Columbia
  • Conception Bay, Newfoundland and Labrador
  • Crapaud, Prince Edward Island
  • SexsmithAlberta
  • Blow Me Down, Newfoundland and Labrador
  • GoobiesNewfoundland and Labrador
  • FingerManitoba
  • Come By Chance, Newfoundland and Labrador

Downright Filthy:

  • Meat Cove, Nova Scotia
  • Climax, Saskatchewan
  • Spread Eagle, Newfoundland and Labrador
  • Shag Harbour, Nova Scotia
  • Cuckold’s Cove, Newfoundland and Labrador
  • Dildo, Newfoundland and Labrador
  • Ball’s Falls, Ontario
  • Crotch Lake, Ontario

Just Generally Fairly Cooked:

  • Bastard, Ontario
  • Stoner, British Columbia
  • Asbestos, Quebec
  • Placentia, Newfoundland and Labrador
  • Pain Court, Ontario
  • Emo, Ontario

Jeopardy champ Ken Jennings wrote a colourful history of Dildo and a few other Canadian place names for Conde Naste Traveler, saying:

“The whaling and fishing industries that built the town have mostly dried up, so today Dildo relies on its unusual name to draw in most of its visitors. Every summer, the town holds a Dildo festival, in which the parade is led by a wooden statue of an old fishing-boat skipper called Captain Dildo. Souvenir T-shirts, which disconcertingly read “I Survived Dildo Days,” are hot items.”

Anyway, I can’t wait to drag my Old Entrance to Meat Cove and Crotch Lake the minute we’re allowed to jump on planes again.