To most people, the Sunday Scaries are a time when they’re feeling forlorn because reality sets in that the weekend is almost over and Monday is within reach. But for me, the Sunday Scaries mean an entirely different thing, as this is the day that my average screentime report hits my iPhone and informs me just how many hours I’ve wasted that week on the godforsaken gadget.
I know what you’re thinking, if it bothers me so much, why don’t I just disable the bloody notification? I mean, I could, but in the same way that we’re fascinated by a scab on our hand, I can’t help but find myself weirdly intrigued by the macabre that is my average weekly phone screentime.
And plus, when the screentime happens to be down (which almost NEVER happens), I feel a huge sense of pride and tell literally everyone I know, only to find that my celebration has led to a more laxxed attitude to my phone-usage and the screentime ends up being even bigger the next week.
In fact, a couple of weeks back, I posted the following screenshot to my Instagram Story, vowing to take my average screentime to the grave:
But despite my promise to take reveal my average screentime, again, I couldn’t help but feel bizarrely curious about how mine stacks up to those around me, so I thought I’d venture out and suss if mine is the norm and I’m just beating myself up for nothing, or if I am, indeed, jatz fucking crackers.
So, without any further adieu, here’s mine:
Average screentime: 6 bloody hours and bloody 11 minutes.
And mind you, that’s down 15% from last week so, yeah, big yikes. HUGE.
I then ask my boyfriend to suss his out and please forgive the heinous sight, he’s got an Android…
Average screentime: 2 hours and 16 minutes.
Yowza, huuuuuuge bloody difference. As my BF sees me mortified, he points out: “That’s because you work in the media so you need to be on your phone all the time.”
Oh yeah, true! So maybe I should hit up a colleague?
So I DM our writer, Steff, and she shoots through hers and oh god…
Average screentime: 2 hours and 17 minutes.
Wow, only 1 minute difference between my media colleague and my non-media boyfriend, so maybe that doesn’t play into the results after all?
So what about my mama, she runs her own business, so hers must be pretty high too, right?
Average screentime: 3 hours and 36 minutes.
Okay, we’re getting there. Hers is higher, but that’s still only half of mine (side note: screaming at the size of her font).
What about my Gen Z little sister, those guys LIVE on their phones.
Average screentime: 3 hours and 46 minutes.
The highest so far, after me, but I still take the bloody cake.
So yep, as I suspected, I am an absolute iPhone-addicted madman and I really need to filter some social media detoxes into my day-to-day week, I reckon.
Footage of me yeeting my phone into the ocean and shooting it with a pistol, just so my average screentime decreases.
Matty Galea is the Senior Entertainment Editor at Pedestrian who also dabbles in woo-woo stuff like astrology and crystals and has been penning horoscopes since the start of his career. He also Tweets about pop culture and astrology and posts spicy content on Instagram.