So, in a year of crazy triumphs, tragedy and costume upheaval, what do Seal and Heidi Klum’s Halloween costumes reveal to us about the nature of all life on this planet, both theirs and our own? Let’s dissect; but before we do, we’ll do a Scientist and go back to the start, or as close to it as we can using Getty archives.
At Heidi Klum’s 5th Annual Halloween Party (hereafter HKAHP), Klum and then-boyfriend Seal dressed as a vampire witch doctor hot mess and the Phantom of the Opera respectively. The not-yet married couple wore equally as outrageous but not quite synchronous outfits that told us that while they were in it – and each other – together they hadn’t quite Sealed the deal yet.
Photo by Evan Agostini via Getty
Next year, at the 2005 edition of HKAHP, newly minted hubby Seal went as a cop and Heidi stuck to her preferred oeuvre of Hot Mess: Vampire Cher. If we turn back time, we can also see that Heidi will take you up on any opportunity that allows her to flex her fake incisors. Seal on the other hand is still too afraid to break the laws of conventional costuming. Oh, how love and narcissism would change everything…
Photo by Evan Agostini via Getty
2006’s HKAHP is when shit got serious for the terrible/amazing two, with Heidi dressed as a serpent wrapped around forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and Seal foregoing his dignity and status as a bald dude to dress as Eve. A truly romantic/repulsive display of sinfully excellent hedonism and the beginning of their legendary ability to coordinate outfits; a fitting legacy.
Photo by Michael Buckner via Getty
There’s no photographic evidence on Getty of Seal even attending the 2007 iteration of HKAHP. Was trouble afoot in the Klum Kamp, aka Paradise? Probably not; my search parameters are pretty narrow. Heidi, never one to let her fake incisors or loungewear go to waste for another year, partied on regardless as a giant sex pest. I mean cat.
Photo by Charlie Galley via Getty
2008 rolled around and with it so did the heads of anyone that dares to steal the spotlight from Kali Klum on October 31st. This includes Seal, who apparently wore his pyjamas. This is how you do Halloween (if you have unlimited resources).
Photos by Joe Corrigan via Getty
Once upon a midnight dreary, while she pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of Project Runway recaps, Heidi decided these boots would be a good idea. Quoth the Klum, ‘Nevermore.’
Photo by Valerie Macon
Everyone says you’re amazing now that you’re covered in body glitter. This is the pictorial embodiment of true love. Incredible. Miss you, true love.
Photo by Bryan Bedder
2011: Where did we go wrong?
Photo by Jemal Countess via Getty
Which brings us to 2012. This year Klum dressed as Cleopatra: a strong, ambitious, independent woman who, after a brief dalliance with Julius Caesar (aka Seal), formed a romantic alliance with Marc Antony (aka her bodyguard). This lead to a conflict with Rome (aka divorce), defeat in battle and suicide by snakebite. Will a similar fate befall Klum?
No. Any narrative similarities cease at this point as it becomes obvious that Klumopatra has undoubtedly triumphed over Sealsar in the 2012 costume sweepstakes. The latter’s Boston Celtics “costume” and his new woman in her corresponding LA Lakers jersey fall so far short of previous years and look postively lamé in comparison with Klum’s resplendent garb.
No one can ever take Halloween away from Heidi Klum. Ever. So if there’s one thing we’ve learned about life in 2012 from Seal and Heidi Klum’s Halloween costumes, it’s that sisters are doing it for themselves and you don’t break up with Heidi Klum. Ever. Until next year lovers!
Photo by Michael Loccisano via Getty
