Aside from Heidi Klum, no one loves Halloween more than me. No one.
I identify as an actual witch. My anniversary is on Halloween. I have skull candles around my apartment all year ’round. My favourite movies are The Craft, Hocus Pocus and Practical Magic.
I live for Halloween. And so does Heidi Klum. And for that reason, I have always admired her.
Every year I look forward to seeing what crafty costume she’s conjured to wow her fans at her annual Halloween bash.
From her Mrs Shrek look to her old lady lewk to her take on Jessica Rabbit, she always brings it.
And what I love is that unlike most people, she doesn’t stress about looking hot. She just wants to blow people away and she always succeeds in doing just that.
But this year I’m afraid she’s gone way too far. Waaaaaay too far.
This time, in the year of our lord Jesus Christ, she has brought our greatest fears to life by morphing into a human-sized worm.
A fucking HUMAN. SIZE. WORM.
Pure nightmare fuel.
And to make it even creepier, she had her hubby dress as a fisherman to hook her to his fishing rod.
Watching her slither down the red carpet makes me want to vomit for the rest of eternity.
Heidi, darling, I love you… but this shit is not okay.
Haven’t we seen enough horrors by now? Must we be forced to watch a human-sized worm wriggle down a red carpet and smirk at us?
Whip out the human-sized bug spray because I can’t with this shit.
Halloween is over, O-V-A-H, OVAH!
Summon Mariah Carrey to sing the Christmas carols, already. We’re done here.