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During my routine Instagram story watching, where my eyes glaze over as I watch all my friends struggle with that ‘Guess The Gibberish’ filter, the year 2011 smacked me in the face like a giant hand. An image took me straight back to my late teens and the one fashion trend that I was fucking obsessed with. Jeffrey Campbell platform boots.

Specifically, the Lita boots. You know them. These ones.

Classic and the best.

Huge shoutout to my workmate Lucinda Price for bringing this to my attention through her Instagram story, which unlocked some very deep part of my memory where I was completely obsessed with these fucking shoes. After watching and reminiscing about the booties that I totally would have broken an ankle in, I ended up in a Google k-hole of platform boots with wedge heels.

I remember it so vividly – I spied a pair of studded, black leather Litas on Tumblr and it was instant love. I wanted them, I needed them. They were everything that I wanted, and from what I saw on Lucinda’s insta, everyone else bloody loved ’em too.

THESE ONES.

These Jeffrey Campbell booties came in every fucking colour under the sun, from the classic black leather with wooden heel, to sparkly glitter, to some of the most disgusting colour combos that should never have been approved in the first place.

Every.

Single.

Colour.

Imaginable.

No matter what outfit you were wearing, you could pair a JC Lita bootie to it. Everyone knew that the ultimate combo to flaunt off your online shopping prowess was to team a pair of Jeffrey Campbells with a pair of Black Milk leggings though. That was the epitome of nightclub fashion, for sure.

But the Litas truly were an every-occasion boot. 18th birthdays. Formals. University (to look smart and chic). Clubbing. Brunch. Anywhere you need a sturdy heel and maybe a lot of sitting down.

The only thing I can attribute to these shoes being the defining shoe of the zeitgeist in the early 2010s was Lady Gaga‘s Just Dance era, where she routinely stepped out in heels that are more pieces of monstrous art than practical footwear.

Surely this:

Was a precursor and direct influence of these:

THE POWER. THE INFLUENCE.

If these boots could make sound, they’d play Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’ at a piercing volume. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind.

These gravity-defying boots were just one guilty party in a line-up of shoes that late teens and early-20s types likely destroyed themselves in if they could even walk in them at all. I’d love to see the stats on rolled, sprained and broken ankles from 2010 to 2013, and how many of those can be directly attributed to these bloody shoes.

The JC Lita bootie wasn’t immune to cursed energies, just take these fucked-up shag ones for instance.

WHY.

Or these ‘Cat Tapestry’ ones where the kittens look so depressed it’s like their souls have been trapped in the fabric for all eternity.

????

But the best thing, the absolute gold that I’ve discovered while suddenly being reminded of these clodhoppers is that Jeffrey Campbell still sells them. In this, the year 2020, you can still spend your money on a pair of Jeffrey Campbell Lita booties.

I honestly don’t know if this discovery is a blessing or a curse, but I won’t lie – I’m thinking about investing again.