It’s been a weird goddamn week.
Somehow, an honest spate of mass hysteria over evil clowns has swept the United States. That statement is true in a figurative sense, but rampant allegations of abuse perpetrated by clowns have actually spurred some kind of nascent social movement.
Professional entertainers who don the face paint are legitimately worried this newfound anti-clown fervour may end in violence. In fact, that fear is so real that Insane Clown Posse frontman Violent J has penned a think-piece for TIME on the matter.
Like we said: weird goddamn week.
In his punchy essay, Violent J (real name Joseph Bruce) immediately downplays this new clown menace, likening it to a similar series of hoaxes from his childhood.
“… Way back in 1981, when me and my partner in rhyme and best friend Shaggy 2 Dope were in grade school, there were reports of so-called “phantom clowns” supposedly driving around in vans, harassing kids, and in some reports, wielding weapons like machetes.
Despite the many reports, police could not confirm one incident of this wave of sightings and not a single “phantom clown” was ever arrested.”
In short, he says what we kinda already knew: this whole thing has been blown way out of proportion, and y’all should live without the mortal fear of some frill-necked fuckboy ruining your life.
What follows is a downright political screed that might come as a surprise to anyone unaware of the ongoing legal battle surrounding ICP’s adherents, aka Juggalos.
ICYMI – and we won’t judge you for missing the memo on this particularly niche subculture – the FBI actually branded Juggalos as gang members back in 2011. That’s a decision Violent J has been fighting ever since.
After savaging the “keystone-cop clowns shooting unarmed citizens, to racist clowns burning down Islamic centers or clowns in the NSA spying on us through our cell phones and laptops,” Violent J reminds readers the real enemies aren’t imaginary figures lurking in the woods – but real-life lawmakers who needlessly discriminate against a band’s fans:
“[Juggalos] have been targeted, profiled and blatantly discriminated on by law enforcement agencies across America…
Recently, there was a probation officer who was let go for being identified as a Juggalo, and her employer had no problem writing it as the reason for her severance in her termination paperwork.
Others have lost their jobs, custody of their kids and been subject to illegal search and seizure.”
He closes the piece with a reminder that Insane Clown Posse and its fans will march on Washington D.C. next year in an attempt to make the Department of Justice remove Juggalos from their list of gangs:
“Just know that, despite these sensationalized reports about “killer clowns” wreaking mischief across the nation, there are real clowns out there killing ours and your very rights as an American citizen.”
Pretty well-put, tbh. Someone should ask if he wants to be the Republican nominee for President, hey?