Look, there’s not enough hard evidence to suggest that, globally, clown-related murders and other crimes have dramatically increased, and that as a result we are all at the mercy of a vicious, unstoppable clown hell – there simply isn’t.
But I would be remiss in my journalistic duty if I didn’t acknowledge that we might at any moment be attacked by some sick fuck in clown costume wielding all manner of deadly hand-to-hand techniques and close combat weapons.
Frankly, I don’t know what the fuck‘s going on but I do know that people are really getting on board with both being terrified by clowns and terrorising people as clowns, possibly because there’s nothing good on at the movies at the moment or something.
Because social media is a microcosm of the real world (but worse), a slew of clown groups are popping up on Facebook, some pro-clown, some anti-clown, and some impartial observers (like the Uatu The Watchers of the clown world).
Clown Sightings Australia are doing their civic duty and warning Australia (and some places abroad) about future insane clown gatherings – not to be confused with The Gathering Of The Juggalos, a future Insane Clown Posse gathering.
The posts read like weather forecasts, except for instead of intermittent showers and some cloud, it’s clowns on the horizon:
We spoke to the page’s admin, who told us they decided to put in the work because no one else was:
“I noticed that, the clown pages, they’d all risen up out of nowhere, and all the news was spreading that the clowns were coming to Australia. They started posting their locations and there weren’t many pages highlighting where they were going to be and posting in summary all the locations in states or countries.”
Yes indeed, for some absolutely fucked reason, these weirdo clown yahoos are posting their locations in advance:
According to our expert, these clowns are for the most part nothing to worry about:
“Most clowns out there just teenagers and younger people with no nothing to do just jumping on the trend. But some clowns have intent and may do stupid things, it’s hard to tell which are dangerous and which are joking around.”
What should you do if you spot a clown? Take it easy:
“Don’t take it into you’re own hards, you don’t know if they’re serious or joking around. Tell your neighbours and friends around you, if they hang around or act threatening report it to police.”
This is easily one of the stupidest times to be alive.