Having recently arrived in North Korea to do a Mariah Carey – which is to say, perform for a dictator for a tidy sum and not flaunt a flawless five-octave vocal range – Dennis Rodman and his fellow NBA alumni sat down with CNN’s Chris Cuomo overnight for a decidedly un-chill tête-à-tête on the eve of a “sports venture” undertaken in occasion of Rodman’s “friend for life” Kim Jong-un’s flirty 31st birthday; which is today, so happy birthday, Lil’ Kim. NOT!
When quizzed on whether or not the Hall of Famer would use his time in the Technicolour Land of Oz not only to play ‘ball but also to question the status of currently detained American Kenneth Bae, Rodman lost the plot – speaking in dismembered tongues with all the grandiloquence of a batshit sorority sister facing off with her arch nemesis twelve RTDs deep: “Let me do this… I don’t give a rat’s ass what the hell you think… I got it. Let me do this. I’mma tell you one thing!” Pray, Dennis, do tell:
According to CNN, Bae, a Korean-American U.S. citizen and father of three, was arrested in November 2012 and accused of as yet unclear “hostile acts” intended to topple the government. He has since been sentenced to fifteen years in a labour camp, with the White House expressing ongoing concerns for his health, wellbeing and general life expectancy as a detainee in a country where certain somebodies feed their uncles to rapid dogs and break up with their girlfriends by firing squad.
“I love my friend,” Rodman continued in reference to Kimmy during the interview. “This is my friend.”