The fashion industry is a weird and wonderful place in which incredibly ugly things can be considered cool if you chuck a $1000 price tag on them.
We’ve seen Kanye West’s Yeezys that look like pear sleeves, KFC-sponsored Crocs and now… cum shoes.
For the measly price $2000 with some change, you can walk around with a pair of sneakers that look like they’ve seen *some shit*.
The Maison Margiela Black Fusion Low Sneakers are your typical mens leather sneaker, apart from the $1965 price tag. But unlike your Dad’s black Reebok’s, these have a “transparent rubberized trim” all over the shoe that looks like somebody tripped over with a hot glue gun and made a hell of a mess.
I’m not going to pretend I understand the designer sneaker trend because frankly, I wouldn’t drop more than $150 on a pair of trainers, ever. But I get it, if sneakers are your ~thing~, go your hardest. Just don’t go *this* hard.
The shoes are described as:
Low-top buffed calfskin and mesh sneakers in black. Transparent rubberized trim throughout. Perforated detailing at round toe. Lace-up detailing in grey and black at vamp. Logo embossed at black padded tongue. Signature white stitch at padded mesh collar. Treaded rubber sole in black. Approx. 2″ platform.
At best, these shoes are a hot glue gun mess and at worst, they’re… cum shoes.
I feel like these shoes need to come with their own condoms. I’m legitimately convinced you could fall pregnant if you tripped over in these sneakers.
If you’re thinking I’m just a certified sicko with my mind in the gutter, rest assured I was not the first (or the only) person to recognise the resemblance here.
got my cum shoes on, call that drip pic.twitter.com/FEml5eQEQC
— Cas (@opticalsight_) February 12, 2020
i need the cum shoes pic.twitter.com/4dN5IoS0BE
— darcy (@poocunt101) February 13, 2020
cum on the shoes pic.twitter.com/h5joxSNHDF
— academy award winner & palme d’or winner parasite (@fleabagseason3) February 13, 2020
Some friendly Twitter users were quick to point out that they’ve been offering this, uh… ‘service’ for years.
People are gonna line up to pay 1200 dollars for shoes with cum on them when I've been doing it for free for YEARS pic.twitter.com/cac8JDiJUb
— Vomit Sommelier (@olivetodie) February 13, 2020
£1,000 for cum shoes when i can ask my bf to do that for me for free ???????????? https://t.co/FkYLVo9LLz
— kris (@deIineated) February 12, 2020
Another user asked the question we’ve all been thinking. Why?
Why are they selling shoes with cum on them pic.twitter.com/NbbsVfcP6v
— Petey Plastic (@PeteyPlastic) February 12, 2020
But most importantly, Twitter users wanted you to know that the cum shoes stay ON during sex.
sorry babe the cum shoes stays on during sex pic.twitter.com/mBMed9OdXK
— nashoe (@nashoe_) February 13, 2020
Who wears cum shoes? We wear cum shoes.