Under a Trump Moon, the most purely Vince McMahon thing the wrestling megalith could ever do would be spend hundreds of millions of dollars on reviving his truly dick-awful football league purely because black NFL players kneeling during the national anthem pissed him off. Lo and behold, Vinny Mac is bending his wallet in twain to revive the previously dead-and-buried XFL, which today revealed its slate of team names and logos that are not only wholesale cooked, but deeply horny as well.
[jwplayer nVtcgrXy]
The original league was notable largely for its batshit insane team identities; Memphis Maniax and Los Angeles Xtreme being notable examples of the kind of peak-2000 bullshit that league was built on.
Not to be outdone, XFL 2020 unveiled their newest team names earlier this morning, and once again it’s a mixture of odd titles and wildly erotic imagery, with a video introduction looking less like professional sporting franchises and more like an upmarket rub & tug producing their own cologne commercial.
In case you somehow didn’t catch any of that, they are:
- Dallas Renegades
- Houston Roughnecks
- LA Wildcats
- New York Guardians
- St Louis BattleHawks
- Seattle Dragons
- Tampa Bay Vipers
- DC Defenders
Naturally, there’s a lot of questions to be asked there. “The fuck is a BattleHawk?” is probably chief among them.
It also should be said that it definitely kicks ass that the LA Wildcats logo is a stylised LA, while the New York Guardians logo is an actual wild cat (we know it’s supposed to be a gargoyle, but that’s a cat all up and down).
Vince McMahon’s Kneeling Is Illegal football league is scheduled to launch its first season in 2020.
Now if we can get a He Hate Me father-son drafted into the league we’ll really be in business.
