HOW DARE: AFL Player Falsely Accuses Innocent Doge Of Breaking His Hand

Trying to hide something is the quickest way to getting found, particularly when you’re an elite athlete attempting to hide the cause of an injury from your bosses.

Jordan De Goey, one of the Collingwood Football Club‘s young guns, pulled an excuse straight out of the Year 8 handbook when feebly explaining exactly why he rocked up to the club’s pre-season training this week with a broken hand.

De Goey initially told club officials that he broke his hand while horsing around with his dog, with the broken hand occurring when he struck it on a door while throwing a toy for the wee pooch.

Club coach Nathan Buckley, at the time, accepted that explanation and even went so far as to front the media to relay the injury, which puts De Goey out of the Magpies side for this Friday’s opening round clash against the Western Bulldogs. Buckley even joked about the injury, owing to the fact that it would’ve been the second dog-related injury to befall one of his players this off season.

The only problem with De Goey’s story, however, is that it absolutely did not really happen.

De Goey did not, in fact, break his hand while horsing around with his dog. He broke it while punching on at his own 21st birthday party.

The young man turned 21 during the course of last week, and was out on Friday night celebrating with friends when he reportedly got into some manner of biff and the injury occurred.

De Goey, after knowingly lying to his club, has since come clean to club officials who have chosen to fine him $5,000 and suspend him for 3 games as punishment; a sentence that will only begin after his hand heals, meaning he’ll likely be unavailable to play for the club until at least Round 7 or 8.

So there you have it, folks. “The dog ate my homework” barely worked when you were in Year 3, and sure as shit doesn’t fly after you turn 21.

Though now this one final big question remains: