Did you just make some sexy time with someone in your sleepy time?
There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for waxing the tadpole of someone you didn’t expect during your dreams last night.
We spoke to dream analyst Jane Teresa Anderson to help us figure it all out, from her expert POV. She says the reasons we dream about having sex at all is to do with creating an intimate or close connection with someone, for good or for bad.
“Sometimes our dreams will pick this theme of sex when we are going through a period where we’re becoming intimate with something really different in our lives,” Jane explains.
“It can be a situation where if you’ve got a particularly high sex drive that is unsatisfied, that can break through into your dreams, but then the interesting question is who you’re having sex with in your dreams and how the dreams handle this sex drive.”
Let’s find out what your sex dreams mean then, shall we.
When you have a sex dream about your mate
Relax – you probably don’t have the hots for your best friend, but rather the hots for all the A+ qualities they possess (and that you too want for yourself). First, think about who the mate is. If he/she is rude and annoying, or maybe carefree and strong, you might have found yourself being like that, or wanting to be like that, over the last few days.
“Your dreaming might’ve depicted you becoming intimate with those qualities,” Jane explains. Another reason is because, “We can have difficulties or challenges with best friends or partners so maybe you might be dreaming of having sex with this person because you’re dreaming of healing those issues or problems you’re having with them.”
When you have a sex dream about your boss
Jane tells us this is one of the most common dreams when it comes to bumping uglies, because you’re with them all day, every day – whether that’s physically (for eight or so hours), mentally, or even emotionally. “It’s all about pleasing the boss or not pleasing the boss, or what will the boss think of how you’re doing,” Jane explains of the latter.
“In a work situation, one of the many common issues is a power issue – particularly with your boss. You’re maybe dreaming about how you let your boss have power over you, or how you feel undervalued, or [wondering] if you will ever be as powerful as that, or never want to be as powerful as that.
“If you see your boss as powerful or standing in your way then a sex dream with your boss may be exploring how you really feel about that and helping you to understand that, so you can free yourself from any negative mindset that’s getting in your way.”
Brings a new meaning to sleeping your way to the top.
When you have a sex dream about an ex
“That usually indicates what state of healing or continuing conflict you’re having with your ex-partner,” Jane explains.
“Because you did have an intimate relationship with them, it’s likely to bring up that sense of ‘Here’s a person that I enjoyed being with or was intimate with and yet we’ve still go conflicts that we’re dealing with or I still miss them, or I still need healing from this’. It can be quite common for your dreaming mind to bring up that symbol of having sex with them. “
Translate: Try and move the fuck on, hey.
When you have a sex dream about a stranger
“It’s about getting close and intimate to something in your life that feels strange and foreign to you,”Jane says.
“Often it’s faceless so it might be something you can’t face or a feeling you can’t put a name on. If it’s a dark character (in a hoodie, mask etc) it can be something deep, unconscious, or that you can’t see clearly.”
On another note, some of us have dreams with a soulmate we’ve made up in our head.
“I have met people who have wasted a life looking for people with the exact characteristics – and of course they don’t exist – the dreaming brain has made them up.
“The soulmate dream is about meeting that aspect of yourself. If you could bring out these qualities within yourself, you’d feel so wonderful within yourself and wouldn’t be running around looking for someone else to fulfil that part of your life.”
When you have a sex dream about someone outside of your sexual preference
It could be a sexual awakening, but it might be symbolic too.
“Dreams of sex with a different gender than usual preference is a worry for many who begin to think their unconscious desires are alerting them to different preference. While this may occasionally be true, this would be more likely addressed through more surreal, symbolic dreams,”says Jane.
“A male might also represent inner-male (yang, left brain), and females represent inner-female (yin, right brain) for both sexes of the dreamer.”
Other dream research suggests that sex dreams with a different gender than what you’re normally attracted to, particularly in cases of two females, can simply be expressing the close bond / strength of a friendship.
Are sex dreams ever an indication of feelings?
“Maybe one time out of 100 it’s giving you that clue,” Jane says.
“Never fall into the trap of thinking, ‘It was so good in the dream, and they were quite a different person in the dream, so if I go and have sex with them they’re not going to be the person I know – they’re going to be that person in the dream’ – that’s never going to happen.
“It can give you that clue that maybe you’re attracted to someone and you haven’t realised, but think about it in the cold light of day and you’ll know.”
What if I’m better or worse at sex while dreaming?
“You might be able to do something you can’t do in waking life, or maybe you can’t do something you can do in waking life – the dream is not literal. It’s your right brain exploring what’s going on with you emotionally or mentally rather than physically,” Jane explaines.
When you’re better: “It might be processing your feelings of there being much more to you than meets the eye, greater potential.”
When you’re worse: “The dream may be looking at some other areas in life where you may be feeling blocked or that you don’t believe you can live up to something or fix something.”
Of all the things we could be doing, why sex?
“I think part of it is the emotional connection. For good or for bad or whatever, sex is a very emotional thing for all of us, so if you’re processing an emotional issue in your life it’s one thing that your dreaming mind may grab onto. Sex is a really good symbol for that kind of emotion – getting really intimate with something – getting really up close and personal with something.”
There you have it, there’s good reason you’re a freak in the sheets well past your bedtime.
Goodnight, sleep tight.
Jane Teresa Anderson is a dream analyst / therapist, writer, and mentor who consults, trains and mentors worldwide. You can find out more about your dreams by contacting her HERE.