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People concern me, and by people I mostly mean cis men.

If I had to count the number of times I’ve heard “You’re on the pill, right?” after having sex (if not during) it would hurt. I asked around and it turns out, this is not an uncommon experience.

So why? Why would anyone (with sperm capable of tearing through an egg’s outer wall) ask someone if they’re on the pill after they’ve had sex? After they’ve potentially impregnated them? Seriously, I want to know.

If she says no, do they just assume she’s going to take the morning after pill in the next 72 hours? That she’s not going to get explosive diarrhoea that’ll impact its effectiveness?

im your son

As any woman who’s gotten the morning after pill knows, it’s not a hugely fun experience. Having to mentally rehearse what you’re going to say to the pharmacist in the hope that you won’t feel guilty or shamed is not a time. And it sure as hell ain’t a given.

There’s actually a new service Youly which finally lets women get the morning after pill delivered to their door (as well as the contraceptive pill, NuvaRing and HSV-2 medication, mind you)  – but, and I cannot stress this enough, this is a hassle-free method for a cis woman’s peace of mind and reproductive rights, not a cis man’s.

There is just so much assuming when it comes to women and contraception use and it’s not always after the sperm’s well on its way to fertilising the egg either – sometimes it’s while they’re actually… inside.

john cena sex scene contraception expectation

Safety’s sexy and all, but it’s even hotter before precum has the opportunity to haunt your dreams – and before you destroy my already-slim option at also climaxing. This mid-coitus protocol is a bit selfish on many levels, but part of me does appreciate at least bringing it up. Precum strength aside, it’s better late than never.

And that brings me to the other kettle of sperm, which are those people who don’t ask at all – not before, not during and not after. We all know (either firsthand or not) that sex can happen without a full name, a phone number or an Instagram handle exchanged. People can go on their merry ways and become ~with child~, with no possible way to contact you and tell you the happy news.

I’m by no means here to preach abstinence or safe sex – sex is fun and we should do it before we no longer feel the need or want to – but there are ways to do it that’ll help you confidently look at your spouse 10 years from now and not poo your pants at the mere possibility of having an unknown child.

So don’t assume. Have the conversation. People respect maturity and if they don’t, well it’s probably a good thing you didn’t accidentally knock them up.

Look, or don’t be responsible and accountable. It’s your life, but when a kid rocks up on your doorstep with your eyes, don’t come crying to me.

Image: Gossip Girl