Wake up, sheeple! Turns out you’ve been sleeping all wrong! According to this hot mattress expert on TikTok, you need to stop sleeping on your stomach. And probably your back too. And most side positions. But fear not, there’s still hope! And it doesn’t involve hanging upside down like a bat.

If robots truly did dream of electric sheep they wouldn’t be snoozing in the weird, hellish positions you’ve been entering every night. Get it together!

According to TikTok’s mattress and pillow expert @levitex, sleeping on your front is not as good for you as you think it is. Sure it feels more comfortable than any other position in the world, but it’s shithouse for that little spine of yours. We really can’t have nice things, can we?

“When you lie on your front … muscles have to extend for prolonged periods of time to maintain this position,” said founder, CEO and daddy of Levitex James Leinhardt.

“Muscles don’t like to be tense for a long period of time.”

@levitex

@ stomach sleepers

♬ original sound – levitex

So what is the best position to sleep in? On your side but stacked up like a little Jenga tower. Not quite a foetal position and not quite on your stomach.

@levitex

the titan returns

♬ original sound – levitex

“When you sleep on your stomach, your torso naturally sinks deeper into the mattress because of its weight. As a result, your back might arch, stretching your spine out of neutral alignment,” wrote the Sleep Foundation.

“When your spine is not aligned, you experience stress and strain, which may lead to aches and pains upon waking.

“Stomach sleeping may also increase your risk of neck pain. When you sleep on your stomach, you must turn your head to one side in order to breathe. Turning your head requires you to twist your neck, which moves it out of alignment with the rest of your spine.”

Maybe it’s time to listen to the professionals? That ungodly Satanic pose you do in your slumber is probs not the best position to sleep in.

@levitex

@ ‘the leg’ position sleepers

♬ original sound – levitex

Side note, this next video had me so fkn confused.

“Imagine I come to your house tonight,” says Leinhardt at the start of the video.

“We’re gonna take out your spine, we’re gonna twist your hips all the way right and we’re gonna twist your hips all the way left and we’re gonna get your body weight … and stick it on top of that.”

Okay… a bit of an odd thing to say but I’m following I think.

“Am I welcome in your house tonight? I’m guessing no.”

Oh, that’s it? What the fuck, give me my spine back, sir.

@levitex

♬ original sound – levitex

On second thought this guy can do whatever he likes to my spine. He’s welcome into my house any day.