If I had it my way, comment sections would be banned from every social media platform. I want to live in a world where Pinterest is the only social media platform, and I can just look at pretty pictures of eye makeup all day without being trolled. Unfortunately, that’s not the world we live in, and we have to deal with gross commenters and trolls all the time. News flash! We get them a lot at PEDESTRIAN.TV and surprise! It sucks. But over the years I’ve learned which comment sections pass the vibe check and which ones don’t, so I’ve taken it upon myself to rank them.

Facebook

This is a no-brainer. Facebook is just full of boomers whose only friend is their Windows XP computer. Normally these idiotic boomers would ruin family Christmas and mind their own business for the other 364 days of the year. But thanks to Zuckerberg, these QAnon believers are in every comment section on Facebook.

It’s a Pete Evans playground. Vaccinations? Government conspiracy. COVID? Fake. Trans rights? Only two genders. Their ill-informed opinions are a plague on our society and I honestly feel sick whenever I have to open Facebook and see some clown being a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic bigot.

Zuck you, Zuckerberg.

Instagram

Instagram is slightly better than Facebook, but it’s still a cesspool for morons. Worse than Facebook, Instagram have a bunch of free range bots that comment the most disturbing nonsense like “tag a friend who has never shaved their pubic hair” or some weird spiel about making money in a pyramid scheme.

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(FYI: these are all genuine comments P.TV has received from bots)

To be fair, I’d take those disturbing comments any day over the trolls that make it their daily mission to rip someone’s self-esteem to shreds. If you have time to point out someone’s ‘stomach rolls’ or ‘stretch marks’ then you have time to look at yourself in the mirror and realise you’re a fucking dickhead. Can body-shaming stay in 2020? Because it’s more pointless than a snake on a skateboard.

Twitter

Majority of the time, Twitter is a safe haven for out-of-work comedians and people who were bullied in high school. But sometimes you get disgusting QAnon trolls, whose sole mission is to drag people on the internet because they’re mad at still being a virgin. Again, anything on the internet that gets highjacked by boomers immediately turns to shit. There’s a reason why Donald Trump loved Twitter (before he got booted) and hated TikTok.

YouTube

When I was 11, my friends and I made a YouTube account, our first video was titled “Pregnant 11-Year-Old.” For context: the video was about my friend (who was 11 and ‘pregnant’) and then gave birth to another 11 year old (me). For obvious reasons, we got bullied in the YouTube comments and just straight up deleted the video afterwards. Fortunately, things have changed since then and most YouTube comment sections I come across are hilarious. Ever since at-home workouts have taken off during lockdown, the YT commentary on them have become truly side-splitting stuff.

(comments from Chloe Ting‘s Abs in 2 Weeks program)

TikTok

The comment section vibes on TikTok are ~ immaculate ~ and sometimes the comments bring me more joy than the TikTok itself. It’s also where some of the best one liners have come from: “it’s the …. for me,” “it’s not too late to delete this, bestie” and “how is this app free?” Somewhere between watching Peppa Pig and getting an iPhone, Gen Z became absolute savages with a banging sense of humour. Millennials are literally shaking right now.

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TikTok comments tow that very fine line between being funny and straight up trolling — but do it well. Unlike boomers on Facebook, who will just straight up call you names and bully you.

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So the moral of the story I guess is: keep social media away from old people.