Sorry clown stans, but I am a self-proclaimed clown hater. I’ve hated them from the moment I was I chased around Kids Space Cheltenham by someone’s drunk dad dressed a clown.
~record screeches~
Sorry what? Yes, back in 2004 someone’s dad (I still don’t know who, because he was in a costume obviously) decided it would be funny to dress up as a clown after a few cheeky pints and chase me and my friends around Kids Space (a kid’s indoor play centre). Fortunately, I was the only one mentally scarred from the experience as I hid under a table where my mum was sitting, bawling my eyes out because, and I quote, the clown kept saying: “I’m going to get you.”
Not ideal to say the least.
From that point on, my lifelong hatred for those terrifying creatures and their stupid tiny cars began. At every birthday party where a clown was hired for ‘entertainment’, I would tremble in fear — hiding in one of my friend’s rooms until it was gone.
In fact, my clownphobia was so bad that in 2009 — at a mere 11 year’s old — I lodged a complaint to Ad Standards because an ad for the Luna Park Melbourne ride Circus of Screams had a scary clown it. Long story short: they didn’t take the ad down.
clown lipsync destinys child beyonce so good im doing so so so so so smile pic.twitter.com/ftpdxSVtEo
— imbabyvids (@imbabyvids) July 19, 2021
So why this rant about clowns? Well, for starters it’s been 20 years in the making. But aside from my own personal vendetta against them, I’ve noticed a rapid decline in clowns and clown related content, which I am most pleased about.
In 2015, American Horror Story’s fourth season Freak Show was released.
Then we had the clown sightings of 2016.
In 2017, the first revamped IT movie came out.
Then the second IT film was released in 2019.
Now, it seems clowns are out of fashion.
Where are the creepy clown sightings?
Where are the films/TV series about them?
Have you seen any Ronald McDonald imagery at your local Macca’s lately?
When was the last time you knew someone who hired a kid’s party clown?
Maybe people have realised how, I don’t know?… fucking creepy and unnecessary clowns are to society.
What is their purpose? To entertain kids? I don’t think so. Kids these days would much rather play an iPad game with a million video ads than hang out with those god-awful ‘children’s entertainers’.
What about to scare people? Been there done that. We’re much more afraid of real things now, like climate change.
Even I grew out of my phobia a few year’s ago, however my hatred for those makeup jesters has remained the same.
So whaddya say? Shall we just exterminate any remaining clowns and their families? Just kidding… if ASIO is reading this, I am definitely making a bad joke. (SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT ASIO: I am not actually kidding, I really mean it).
