We’re only five days into 2023 and a TikToker has already served us with the cringiest video of the year. I know that’s a massive call to make but when you see the video, which is of the public proposal variety, you will understand what I’m talking about.
Before we dive in, I recognise I might be biased. I have always maintained that if my future husband proposes to me in public, I will say no. I do not care if we’ve been dating for 12 years and share two gorgeous children, or if he is Paul Mescal (pending the whole Phoebe Bridgers/Bo Burnham situation). I will be declining his request because I cannot imagine anything more embarrassing than having strangers stare at me and my partner while he clambers down on one knee and delivers a soliloquy about our love.
Am I just a monster? Maybe. But before you come to that conclusion, I invite you to watch the public proposal to end all public proposals, courtesy of Cassidy Joys (@caesthetically) who witnessed the whole thing.
The TikTok starts with a woman looking truly mortified at a New Year’s Eve party in Hawaii, as she quickly realises that her relationship status will play a ‘yuge role in the festivities.
Random voices can be heard telling this poor lass that she needs to head over to the stage. When she begrudgingly totters over, we see that her partner is holding a microphone. As soon as you see a bloke in white sneakers holding a microphone, you just know that shit is about to hit the fan.
He starts talking about how important Hawaii and New Year’s Eve are to him and throwing shakas (???) before telling his fiancée-to-be how much he loves her.
“You’re the love of my life and will you make me the happiest man in the world … will you marry me?” he asks.
My spirit sister is just looking at that jabroni with the same stare I pull at family events when a rogue, distant relative says a slur. She’s uncomfortable. She’s formulating the best possible escape route in her head. She’s done.
After what seems like at least seven years of cold, dead staring, dude says, “It’s a simple yes or no!” which is quite possibly the worst sentence a human being can ever utter mid-proposal.
“Oh my gosh … yes?” she replies, which is quite possibly the worst answer a human being can ever give when being proposed to.
The newly engaged couple embrace and the video pans to extremely confused, nay pained, faces such as this truly relatable icon.
@caesthetically WAIT UNTIL THE END. That was the most awkward thing I’ve ever witnessed. 💀 #nye #proposal ♬ original sound – cass
And there you have it! The most upsettingly awkward video of 2023, which was basically an IRL version of when Andy proposed to Angela on The Office. Or when Michael proposed to Carol, also on The Office.
I am going to be waiting with bated breath for the fiancée to Stitch the TikTok and tell us what happened next.
