News of the lockdown in Melbourne has finally hit America’s chief conspiracy theorist Alex Jones. In particular, the InfoWars host focused on the arrest of a protest organiser in Ballarat after she attempted to spread coronavirus conspiracy theories in public.

At some point during the three-hour-long broadcast, Jones took a break from his incoherent shrieking to try his hand at an Aussie accent, something all Americans feel compelled to do whenever our country becomes the topic of conversation.

While anything Alex Jones does is indeed cringeworthy, his Aussie accent attempt wasn’t actually as terrible as it could’ve been. Have a listen, courtesy of clips uploaded by The Hypothetical Institute podcast:

If you didn’t catch that, here’s what he said: “What we’re going to do is take you to the medical wagon and give you a shot.”

Aside from the fact this dickhead thinks we call ambulances “medical wagons”, he does deserve praise for correctly pronouncing “shot” like an Aussie.

There’s more, and this is where it get’s iffy. This is Alex Jones attempting to read the name of a Facebook event called “Freedom Day Ballarat”:

He then proceeds to get spun out by the syntax of Facebook event pages and blurts out the word “Sturt” (the name of the street the event was supposed to be held on) before the clip is cut off.

In the same episode, a caller from the Sunshine Coast claimed his sister (who’s a local councillor in the area) was snatched out of a supermarket by the SAS for not wearing a face mask.

The man on to claim she had been held at a barracks in Western Australia for three weeks. Sureeeee.

In the end, the caller compared the situation to The Troubles in Northern Ireland, for some reason.

His theory is that the Australian government is secretly snatching local councillors off the street, because they’re the ones leading the resistance against face masks, or something.

Alex Jones called the story “totally credible” despite the caller refusing to give out his or his sister’s name.

Alex, mate, that story is about as credible as your pathetic attempt at pronouncing “Ballarat”. Please, shut the fuck up.