Goon of Fortune is something of a rite of passage for younger Australians. But there’s having a fang off a bladder hanging from a Hills Hoist, and then there’s taking things to utterly ridiculous levels like this.

An alleged thief in Victoria was nabbed by police after reportedly stealing a two-litre cask of Yalumba wine from a BWS in the outer Melbourne suburb of Lilydale.

A staff member at the store reported the theft to 000, and police subsequently arrested a man a short time later allegedly carrying the full cask in a backpack.

He was transported to a local police station and placed into an interview room in preparation for questioning over the incident. However, so the story goes, the arrested man asked attending officers for a drink, and when they went to fetch it for him, he reportedly pulled out the goon sack and downed the whole lot in one go.

All two litres of it.

He later refused questioning claiming to be “too drunk” to answer police enquiries. Which, y’know, fair enough.

After being held in remand overnight, the 46-year-old man appeared in the Ringwood Magistrates Court earlier today on a bail hearing.

Magistrate Mark Sergeant, clearly saying what we are all thinking, remarked:

“That’s certainly no mean feat of achievement to be able to do that.”

That… look that’s certainly not wrong. It definitely eclipses any feat I saw achieved in suburban Tasmania during my more formative years, that’s for sure.

A bail application by the alleged thief was denied by the Magistrate, which might seem harsh for a single cask of wine, but when you consider he’d only been out of jail on bail for a day when the theft occurred, it gets a little clearer.

Also there’s the little nugget of info pertaining to a prior conviction of murder on his record, for which he was sentenced to 17 years prison with a 12-year minimum.

So, uh… at the end of the day? Probably not a bad call by the judge.

He’ll return to court later this month.

Source: Herald Sun.