Matildas coach and adoptive father of 25 million Australians Tony Gustavsson has confirmed that he will continue coaching the nation’s beloved Tillies for the 2024 Paris Olympics.
The clarification (that calmed my fear of abandonment) came after rumours surfaced that Gustavsson had interviewed for the role of coaching the men’s national team of his home country, Sweden.
Though the rumours of the interview are true, Tony G has insisted that he is committed to staying on as coach of the Matildas for their crack at the Olympics next year, with earlier comments stating that he has “unfinished business” here.
Though he hasn’t specified, I like to imagine that said “unfinished business” is to see the Tillies “win the whole fuckin’ thing” à la Gustavsson’s fictional counterpart Ted Lasso.
Just minus the fact that [SPOILERS FOR TED LASSO] Ted pissed off back to his home country at the end. Tony if you’re reading this, life doesn’t have to imitate art.
“I’m passionate about the Matildas and, as I have stated before, I’m fully focused on qualification and participation at the Paris 2024 Olympics,” said the Tillies’ (and nobody else’s) coach in a statement.
He even went so far the clarify that the Matildas’ “journey towards this goal is my primary focus and commitment.” We stan a king who knows his priorities.
Admittedly Gustavsson’s contract coaching the Matildas does finish after the Paris Olympics.
So he is really just saying that he won’t break his contract. Uh oh, my fear of abandonment is back.
Football Australia have also released a statement pointing out that they are “aware of speculation about Tony Gustavsson and the Swedish men’s national team.”
“Regarding the future of Tony’s contract post the Paris 2024 Olympics, discussions will be held at an appropriate time in the future, adhering to our standard procedures,” wrote Football Australia.
Personally I think we, as a nation, should put in a greater collective effort to get Tony to stay.
So as a kick-off point, I’ve jotted down few ideas things we could do to really show our appreciation of Tony, in the hopes he makes Australia his new home and never leaves. (My therapist was not happy reading that sentence, but she doesn’t coach the Matildas so IDC.)
Ideas for Project Home Swede Home:
- Change the lyrics of the national anthem to include him. Our land is girt by sea < Our coach is Tony G.
- Have him appear on an episode of Home And Away. It’s the highest honour we can bestow.
- Award him a knighthood. If Tony Abbott can knight the literal king, then surely someone here can knight a metaphorical one.
- Have Australia host Eurovision. In order to not lose Tony to Sweden, we need to bring Sweden here.
- Giving him keys to the country. Sort of like keys to the city, except all of the cities at once.
- Host a referendum to have Tony’s coaching contract enshrined in the constitution. Risks include: letting Australians vote.
- Rename some things after him. Landmarks, states, awards, foods. Whatever it takes.
- Declare ourselves a republic and elect Gustavsson as president. That way he’s coach of the country as well as the Matildas.
If you have an idea for how we could hold on to the man who coached the Matildas to coming fourth in both the Tokyo 2021 Olympics and FIFA 2023 Women’s World Cup, please email it to lachlan.hodson@pedestrian.com.au and I will add it to my Tony Gustavsson manifestation board. Currently it’s just the following TikTok.
@manofmany The person that sent this to you wants you to know you can’t park 😅 #matildas #TonyGustavsson #fifawwc #ausvseng ♬ original sound – Man of Many
In order for the Matildas to qualify for the Paris ’24 Olympics they must beat Uzbekistan in two matches next February.
