Alcohol delivery service Jimmy Brings is expanding to deliver toilet paper from tomorrow, as panicked boomers continue to leave the bog roll aisles at supermarkets across the country empty.
Customers will be able to order up to four rolls of loo paper each, which will then be delivered to their home within 30 minutes. “We’re not sure what people think they need all this loo roll for,” a spokesperson for Jimmy Brings said in a statement, “but we’re here to help when your local supermarket is totally OUT.”
We’re not sure, either. Coronavirus panic has sent everyone into doomsday prepping mode, but only insofar as it specifically pertains to toilet paper. Canned goods? Batteries? Who needs them, when instead you can stock up on enough bog roll to wipe the butts of a family of four for a year?
Is everyone planning on eating Mexican tonight? #Sydney #toiletpaper pic.twitter.com/g6FM3MQMfY
— AndrewR31 (@AndrewR31) March 3, 2020
Like the major supermarkets, Jimmy Brings is limiting supply. Customers can only buy four rolls each, to the tune of $2.99 per roll. It ain’t cheap, but it’s at least available – and Jimmy Brings will be donating $1 from each roll sold to the UNICEF Coronavirus Appeal.
As to why the personal hygiene aisle at your local Coles or Woolies has turned into a TP free-for-all – well, it’s not 100% clear what sparked the panic. Probably the media (oops), or some dumb viral Facebook post. Once a few people caught wind there was a shortage, everyone else felt like they needed to stock up, too. It’s called “herd behaviour”, and it’s proof we might have peaked, evolutionary-speaking, but we’re still dumb fucking idiots.
