As hilarious as dicks may be (hint: very), losing one’s own is no laughing matter, and falls well within the realms of extremely painful, terrible things that don’t even bear thinking about.
We therefore would like to pay our sincerest respects to a surgical team in South Africa, who recently announced that they had performed the world’s first successful penis transplant.
In summary, they took a donated dick from one dude, put it on another dude’s body, and the damn thing still worked like a dick should. Take a moment to let that sink in.
BBC News report that the unnamed patient, aged 21, lost his own penis as a result of a botched circumcision, a ritual procedure which left him with just 1cm of his own tissue.
The operation, which took nine hours, and involved connecting numerous tiny nerves and blood vessels, took place last December, and the man’s recovery has reportedly been rapid.
Penis transplants have been attempted before, most recently in China, however, in that case, “the penis was later rejected”, a phrase that makes us wince and go in search of our happy place.
Doctors say that, while it will take a year or more until he is able to experience full sensation, the man can comfortably “pass urine, have an erection, orgasm and ejaculate.”
Getting ethical approval for the procedure took “a hell of a lot of time”, as is probably imaginable.
Doctors said that, while unlike a heart transplant, a pens transplant would not necessarily expand lifespan, its psychological effects could potentially be far-reaching.
Reportedly, botched ritual circumcisions are reasonably common in Africa, and can lead to young men being “ostracised, stigmatised” and in come cases, taking their own lives.
There are plans to try out the procedure on other patients in the months to come. Gentlemen, hold your dick close and tell it you love it.