I watch ‘The Bachelor‘ because I like to feel schadenfreude.
I see these women, not unlike me in age or life experience, dolled up in tacky dresses acting as willing puppets to merciless producers, and I feel like I relate to them entirely and not at all, simultaneously.
Yes, I enjoy getting sloshed on champagne and farting.
No, I wouldn’t do either of these things on national television. Not even for a mention on the Daily Mail love.
One of the women competing for young Matty J‘s big hot heart in 2017 is Belinda Rygier.
Rygier’s entrance in the first episode was hard to forget. She was the blonde ‘Love Coach’ who broke the very concept of time by making Matty J hold her heart and stare into her eyes for one whole minute. A minute which, for the audience, felt like an eternity.
Now, an audition tape Rygier, 34, recorded and uploaded to YouTube is seeing the unforgiving light of day. It’s an audition to become the MC of annual horny fest, Sexpo.
In it, Rygier purrs:
Hi, my name is Belinda Rygier, like a tiger, and I am the love trainer. I am witty, charismatic, can think on my feet, articulate and a combination of sugar and spice.
She goes on to guzzle whipped cream straight from the can and indulge in a choccie-dipped strawberry before standing up and revealing a pair of black knickers and a garter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuTbi3vh6cw
Her appearances on the dark side of YouTube do not end there.
Typing in her full name reveals a plethora of dating-related videos, including a number of appearances on a panel show called ‘Understanding Women with Dr James‘.
Spoiler: we’re 99.95% sure Dr James is not a doctor at all, and his videos are serious contenders for being more uncomfortable than any and every ep of Between Two Ferns.
But back to the present day: will Matty J be able to keep up with this feisty, spicy lass?
Only time will tell. Godspeed, Belinda.
The Bachelor airs on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 7.30pm on Channel 10.
