The hot sauce with a cock as its mascot and a special place in your heart, Sriracha, has finally had its day in court to face ongoing accusations that the byproducts of its creation (spice all up in your life; an inescapable, noxious cloud of invisible fire) constitute a ‘public nuisance’, with lawmakers unanimously finding in favour of the ongoing production of the sauce more people predisposed toward flavour and life itself prefer.
Irwindale, Southern California, officials overnight cleared the condiment’s divisively unpronounceable name despite residents neighbouring the factory filing multiple complaints that the “respiratory napalm” it emitted were causing ailments like headaches, itchy throats and a near constant craving for complaining.
An all-important city council meeting, however, declared without exception that the continuation of hot sauce manufacturing in Irwindale was an essential part of a little old thing called The Greater Good:
“We have to keep employment in Irwindale. We have to expand. It’s good for Irwindale. It’s good for California,” Mayor Mark Breceda decreed, the diplomatic equivalent of Deal With It.
Despite securing the continuation of his plant for the foreseeable future, sriracha’s godlike creator David Tran is still said to be pursuing two dozen offers to open a second sriracha factory in Texas, which would ostensibly increase production numbers to something like 40 million bottles containing 90.8 million chillies per year.
Celebrate accordingly:
via Reuters
Photo: Scott Olson via Getty
