A new study conducted by the University College London has confirmed what we’ve all been saying for years: that men who buy fancy sports cars have smaller penises.
The study published a few days ago and aptly titled: Small Penises and Fast Cars comes from the Department of Experimental Psychology and was conducted by Professor Daniel C. Richardson, Joseph Devlin, Joseph S. Hogan and Chuck Thompson. However, there was a notable absence of anyone named Richard Long.
To conduct the experiment the authors didn’t dick around and manipulated men with false information about what the average penis size was. This was to either make them feel there’s was bigger or smaller than average. The results concluded that men (particularly over 30) rated sports cars as more desirable when they were made to feel they had a small pee pee.
“We found evidence that when men were manipulated to feel that they had a relatively small penis, they ranked sports cars as more desirable than when they felt relatively well endowed and that this effect was most pronounced in men 30 and over,” the authors said.
“These facts and questions were buried amongst other items giving information and asking for product ratings, so that our hypothesis was masked from participants.”
Those with a fancy sports car might find the results of this study a bit hard. But I doubt it will make them go soft anytime soon. It may even make them pound their fists in frustration.
Nonsense. I don’t drive a sports car and still have a small penis.
— Morné van Deventer (@MornevDeventer) January 13, 2023
What if your penis is small AND you can’t afford a sports car?
Go into politics?— Open Panic (@openpanic) January 13, 2023
It’s the first time psychologists have been able to find a casual psychological link between fast cars and small penises — as self reporting is notoriously unreliable.
This means is they’ve been able to find a link without comparing the direct data of penis size and sports car ownership. Instead, the study measured the link between the low self esteem of having a small penis and raising self esteem by imagining owning a luxury car.
Sorry if this article has been a bit long, but anything is long compared to your d-
