For reasons seemingly unknown, a new kids show has launched in Denmark featuring a lead character with an impossibly long, uncontrollable penis. Time to get your 2021 bingo cards out because we’re starting this year’s cursed content in fifth gear.

The Guardian reported that DR – essentially the Danish version of the BBC – launched a new animated series called John Dillermand over the weekend, which follows a bloke named John Dillermand and his weirdly long donger that he uses to light a BBQ, walk dogs, steal ice creams, distract security guards, wrangle zoo animals, and a bunch of other fucken weird hijinks.

Episodes have been uploaded to YouTube with English subtitles (which translates his name to John Pee-Pee, by the way) so please just take five minutes to watch in bewilderment at this ridiculous show.

As it can be expected when a show about a dude with a very long Johnson that seemingly has a mind of its own is aired, plenty of critics have come forward to condemn the show. Danish authors and gender researchers have been quick to criticise the program, saying that it perpetuates “locker room culture” that excuses the behaviour of many men.

It’s also been noted that this new show has launched mere months after Denmark has experienced the first of its own Me Too movement.

Interestingly, the Guardian reported that Erla Heinesen Højsted, a clinical psychologist, said that although the timing was poor, it’s important to note that the key character and his alarmingly-extended appendage (his long-ass penis) is kept accountable throughout the show.

“The show depicts a man who is impulsive and not always in control, who makes mistakes – like kids do,” she said.

“But crucially, Dillermand always makes it right. He takes responsibility for his actions. When a woman in the show tells him that he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens. Which is nice. He is accountable.”

But there’s simply no denying it, this man has a bloody long schlong.

Image: YouTube / John Dillermand